Forgotten Heart
by ToneLiko
Summary: When I die and wake up to a new life, I always remember you. Clutching onto this Innocence, I go in search of you, until when we can be together forever . . . KandaxOC Warning : slightly angsty
1. Servant and Bodyguard

**Forgotten Heart**

* * *

Reincarnation . . . is a hard thing to believe in. Most say that lovers will always be reincarnated in the next life and will always meet again at some point in their lives.

But what about the ones who died with an unrequited love still gripping and choking at their hearts? They die with regret, perhaps even died without knowing that their loved one will probably never even remember them.

They will forever be in regret, forced to forever wander the earth searching for their lost love, never to know what the love with their beloved will feel like.

However, it is said that there was an Innocence with the power to grant any wish its owner asked, as long as the owner fulfilled one condition. What the condition was is unknown to all, except for the user.

_**I wish to be with him forever**_

_**Even if he doesn't know me**_

_**Even if my love is unrequited**_

_**I wish to be by his side always**_

_**. . .**_

* * *

**Servant and Bodyguard**

**(1st person POV)**

It all began a long time ago. You were the princess's bodyguard, I was her right-hand maid. You were an experienced man of war; I was a clumsy servant always getting yelled at by my mistress. You were a cold man with dark blue eyes and long raven hair, yet at some points you were kind and gentle.

Although it may seem childish, but I fell in love with you at first sight. I loved the way how you handle things, simple and straight forward; no beating around the bush. I love how strong you are, in mind and in body. I love how you scowl when the food isn't to your liking or when the other maid-servants are being too noisy. I loved everything about you.

It is true, you do seem to have a bad mood almost everyday, but I know how caring you can be when you want to.

Because of you, I started to enjoy working at the palace. I learned to treasure what I had now, instead of longing for something far out of my reach. Everything I learned at the palace was now becoming better and brighter for me, because you were there.

Sometimes I feel like a weak, pathetic, and invisible to the world. But you were there to pull me out of my dark corner and to show me what blessings I had. You cheered me up in a simple, yet gentle way.

Everyday my love for you grew more and more. Yet I didn't have the courage to speak to you. I thought I wasn't worthy to be held in your arms.

Throughout my life people have told me that I was ugly. Even as I grow, I still hear those insults. Though now it is becoming lesser as I don't pay attention to them anymore. But now I keep asking myself, were those insults that important that I didn't ask you?

This little lack of confidence wasn't the only thing keeping me away from confessing to you. There was one more problem that I had.

It was the fact that the princess loved you too and that you loved her also. Why? I'll probably never know. It seemed like the whole palace knew, which was dangerous, considering how she is a princess.

When I first found out, I ran out of the palace, out of the city and into the meadow where I wept out my heart to the earth. The wind stung my teary eyes and the cold nipped at my numb fingers, but I couldn't feel anything anymore. My heart felt shattered and my world grew dull for that moment.

That was when I saw something glowing nearby in a river. The green glowing light, which I had thought to be a jewel, turned out to be a round emerald emitting a luxurious luminance. When I touched it, I felt like lightning was running through my body and a voice called out to me.

"_**I can grant you a wish,**_

_**Any wish you want,**_

_**For a price."**_

At first I thought it was probably just my imagination, so I shook out those thoughts, took the gem with me and went back to the dreaded palace. I could hear the thunder rolling and saw the lightning cracking in a distance. Rain was coming and I had to hurry.

As I ran past the city gates, I was already soaking wet from the storm. I was shivering cold; I couldn't feel my lips or toes as I ran on. My vision was becoming blurry, but I could barely make out the palace gates.

The streets were empty. Of course, whoever walks out in the middle of this storm would have to be a fool.

But there you were, waiting at the palace gates looking over the horizon as if looking for a lost person. When you saw me, you quickly ran up and threw your cloak over me. I could hear you reprimanding me for running out in a storm like this, but I didn't care. I said I was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again, but deep inside, I was happy that you were waiting for me.

The days went on, even if I had tried to, I couldn't forget you. I couldn't let go of the love I had for you. And who am I to tell you to not love the princess? You were happy with her and what could I say? All I could do was stand there and smile and wish that the pain will leave soon, but it never did.

Then one day as I sat at the pavilion mending the princess's scarf, you came to me and talked as if we were friends for a long time. You said you were going to cause a revolt against the king.

Apparently, the king was going to force his daughter into a marriage with another prince of a different country. Being in love with her, you decided to fight for your love.

I couldn't lie and say I wasn't worried. A revolt was like a small war within the country. There was every possibility that you would die.

I counted the days until your destined rebellion. When it came, I couldn't even sleep a wink. I spent the whole night worrying about you. I kept clutching onto the green gem-now tied to a red cord around my neck-tightly.

The cries of your men fighting against the palace guards were deafening. The maid-servants ran out of the palace in fear for their own lives. The princess was locked in her room, but even so, her calls for her lover were still heard through those barred doors. Soon all the servants were gone and the palace was left with only soldiers fighting each other.

The king had known that you were going to rebel against him. He had a trap set for you, an invisible one that you couldn't see. I wanted to warn you, I tried to. But everything was in vain. So instead, I wanted to let you live.

I could still remember the arrow piercing through my heart as I shielded you from the sudden attack. I could see your face looking down at me with a more-than worried expression. Your eyes were wide and dark midnight blue, a beautiful color.

"_**I can grant you any wish you want.**_

_**Any wish you want,**_

_**For a price."**_

I heard that mysterious voice again. My eyes were feeling very heavy now. My breathing was slowing down and I could feel my life fading away in your arms.

"_**I wish . . ."**_

My lips trembled and my tears flowed non-stop. I didn't want you to die, but I didn't want to leave your side either. How I wish to have told you before about how I felt. Perhaps when you rejected me, all would be over. But deep inside, I knew, even if you did reject me, I would still have loved you.

I kept hearing you call my name. The revolt was over. You were going to be executed the very next day with your princess forced to watch. The guards were coming to take you away from my dying body. I can still remember seeing your teary and bloody face, your hand trying to reach out to me.

Although I know this probably isn't an act of love, yet I was still hanging onto that little thread of hope that you had a bit of feelings for me. My hand, very weakly, went up and caressed your cheek.

"_**I love you."**_

Then my eyes closed and they never opened again in that life.

* * *

_**Your wish . . . **_

I wish to be with him forever,

To protect him,

To love him,

To help him,

As long as I am by his side,

Everything will be alright.

_**Very well, Forever**_

_**You will be reincarnated**_

_**With these mournful memories**_

_**You will wander the earth with him**_

_**However, you will meet dire problems**_

_**And sometimes,**_

_**You will not succeed**_

_**You will continue to be reincarnated beside him**_

_**Until he accepts your love,**_

_**will you finally die in peace**_

_**Your price . . .**_

_**Is that you will never be a normal human being**_

_**Using me as your Innocence,**_

_**Means you will be an Exorcist for the rest of your life**_

_**Never will you live a peaceful life**_

_**Forever, you will fight against akuma**_

_**And risk your life for a world who will never remember you**_

Whatever happens to me doesn't matter

As long as I can be with him

Everything else is meaningless

_**Then so be it.**_

* * *

**Hi Everyone ^^**

**Thank you very much for reading Forgotten Heart.**

**I wrote this while listening to BrunuhVille's Our Farewell, so it sounds angsty, but don't worry, there will be a happy ending.**

**Please rate and review~! I'd really like to know what you all think about it. Thanks and cookies to all readers~!**


	2. Fate

**(Warning: might contain a few spoilers from chapter 193)**

**Fate**

* * *

_**A sword fell to the floor**_

_**Its blade pinned on the ground**_

_**Its master held onto the hilt for support**_

_**In his hand held his dead lover**_

_**Again, he had failed to protect her**_

_**And again I had failed to capture his heart**_

* * *

My eyes snapped open as if from a terrible nightmare. It only took several seconds for me to remember that I had failed and died again, only to now be reincarnated for the seventh time.

I still remember clearly my first six lives. I had been a princess's servant, the second daughter of a noble family, a shrine priestess, a musician at a teahouse, and finally, a Black Order exorcist. But what am I now?

Calming myself a bit, I took a quick glance around the room and saw that it was a white room with four walls of imprisonment. There was no window and only one doorway out. I could already see the limits of this new life I had.

Around my bed were these monitors and computers with these wires attached to my body. I had no idea what they were for, but I was too weary to care anyways.

My eyes closed as I sighed. My hand went up to my chest and tried to locate my gem. But it was no longer a necklace, it had been engraved into my skin. I smirked to myself a bit.

First it was a necklace, then it was a hair pin, then a fan, a lute, and last of all, a pair of earrings. Now, it was a jewel stuck to my skin.

My eyes wandered the room as I wondered to myself about my lives that I've gone through. Each one had been a sad, grieving failure, yet I still continued. I could feel my frustration starting to raise, my hand clutched at the soft, white blankets put on me.

Just when will my love be returned? Am I to continuously follow you from life to life like a ghost wandering the earth? Have I made a mistake making this wish? Should I have left you a long time ago?

Suddenly, the door opened as I thought these questions. A young man wearing a white lab coat stepped inside and greeted me as if I were a normal patient. "How are you feeling?" he asked me with a smile.

"Like a dead person?" I looked up at him as if it were an obvious answer. As soon as I spoke though, I was surprised by the sound of my voice; it sounded like a child's. Usually when I was reincarnated, the years of my childhood would've been skipped.

The doctor laughed nervously. "Surely, you can't feel that horrible right, Sol-chan?"

"So that's my name." I said aloud, making the doctor look at me curiously. "Not bad, it sounds familiar though." I shrugged and looked the other way. "Where am I?"

"You're at the Asian branch of the Black Order." He said, smiling again as he checked the monitors.

"I'm still here?" I turned to look at the doctor with semi-wide eyes.

That was when his smile disappeared and he stared at me as if I were a ghost all along. He shook his head and tried putting on that same smile again. "What are you talking about Sol-chan?"

Now that I noticed it, my name when I was an exorcist was also Sol.

_Now you noticed?_

A voice popped in my head. At first I was surprised, but that surprise left as soon as I recognized the voice. From when I started my second life, I had been able to hear the voice of my Innocence speaking to me.

It sounded like a twenty-year-old male with a childish, yet brutal attitude. Sometimes I could see him like an imagination in my mind. I usually saw him as a tall, young man with black hair and glowing emerald eyes. He called himself, Meruk.

_None of your business._

I could hear him scoff in annoyance. I didn't care. I felt even better if he didn't talk, but he did, except this time he spoke with disgust.

_Just to let you know, you didn't reincarnate yet._

My eyes widened. "What?" My mind echoed like it would if I spoke in a large, empty room. If I wasn't 'reborn', then what in the world am I doing here, living a second time in the same life?

I looked at the doctor who was still awaiting my answer. His face was sweating like he had done something wrong and I was about to find out. My lips opened, my words rung in his ear like a bell that had been trying to warn him of something.

"What happened to the older Sol-chan?"

The doctor continued to look at me with horrified eyes.

It wasn't long until I got the whole ugly truth spilling out of his mouth. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Even you were 'reborn' into this life as an exorcist, except you didn't have any memories.

The doctor left afterwards with a worried expression plastered on his face. I knew I wasn't supposed to have any memories according to the doctors, but because I did, they were going to do something ugly.

_We have to go._

I could hear Meruk urge me to run. I knew I had to too, but I didn't want to leave without you. I knew that you wouldn't be feeling very happy about this if you knew. So instead, I unhooked myself from the monitors and headed out of the room.

I crept down the dark hallway, avoiding any doctors or scientists I saw. It was hard, due to the fact that there were guards everywhere. I saw the tubes where they kept the original bodies in, they were wrapped up in weird-looking papers like a mummy in a glass coffin of bondage.

I saw the place where you were being held. It was a wide room with small pools of water in the ground. Each pool held a body, most I don't even know.

Although now you are a lot younger and your features were majorly altered, I knew which one was you. Call me crazy, but I could sense and recognize your beautiful soul. I guess you could call it an instinct I get after being reincarnated with the same memories for so long.

I felt my little heart beat so fast in my chest when I looked in and saw you. You were asleep, little bubbles rose to the surface of the water like glass pearls. Right next to your pool I saw another boy with short black hair and an oddly familiar aura.

It took me several seconds to figure out this was your lover from before, now reborn in the body of a little boy. When I saw him, I felt my heart twist like noodles. I didn't want to fail to this person again, yet . . . it might be impossible since he's also 'reborn' with you nearly all the time.

I crouched down and hid behind my folded arms and sobbed quietly. My chest felt as if someone were squeezing the life out of me.

If people knew about this, they'd probably say you were destined to be together. Just that thought made me want to curl up and cry. Whenever I hear about 'destiny' or 'fate' it always occurs to me how I'm probably never going to have your love.

_I hate this destiny._

I could hear myself repeating that line over and over again in my head as if it were a charm.

_I know._

Meruk sighed. I could already imagine seeing sit cross-legged with his chin resting in his palm, looking at me as if I've said that millions of times, which I have.

_I hate fate._

The dark haired male in my head sighed, sitting up straight. He stares at me with challenging eyes. His next words burned in my mind for an eternity.

_Then defy your 'fate' and live the way you want to._

My eyes nearly stopped crying when I heard those words spoken to me. I looked up from my arms. I felt a sudden desire to live rush over me like a giant wave on a stormy sea.

In the background, I could hear the guards coming to search for me. I couldn't be caught now. I had to live, in order to see you again in this same life.

Pressing my index and middle finger to my lips, I touched your forehead lightly. "I'll come back. Wait for me." I whispered my promise to him, and then quickly turning on my heels, I ran from the room.

Down the hallways, stripping through the rooms, I ended up at a cliff nearby, down beneath was only water from a raging river.

_No turning back now._

Meruk was laughing for some reason. I guess he thought it was funny how humans think, I don't know. But I knew I couldn't be caught and killed. I smirked to myself and turned back to take one last look at the Asian branch, then jumped off.

As I fell, I could see the blue, blue sky above me. The fluffy, white clouds were like glued-on cottonballs on a child's painting. I smiled to myself. Finally, I had some hope in me.

_If fate is what's keeping us apart, then I will repel it until I get what I desire._

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**And that's chapter 2 everyone~! Thank you for reading xD**

**Hopefully it's not as bad . **

**Anyways, please rate and review~!**


	3. Lady Sol

**Warning: May contain spoilers from chapters 194-200)**

**Lady Sol**

* * *

_**The pain in me when I see you look at her**_

_**The hurt I feel when I know that she may win again**_

_**The only hope I have of having you**_

_**Is the little strand of fate between us**_

For years I watched you from afar. I knew how the lab exploded, how you grew up, how you met your friends, how you your cold expression masks what you really feel, and now . . . how you met your lover again.

I know you didn't know that it was her, yet I couldn't help but feel left out of your world. I couldn't go back to the Order just yet, not with them thinking I've been dead for nine years straight. If they knew, there was a chance that I'd still be exterminated before meeting you again.

I can hear her tears flow as you both clash. Although I hate her, I couldn't ignore the pain she felt when she couldn't tell you who she was.

_Why do you care?_

Meruk was crossing his arms again and looking at the scene with brutal eyes. Of course, he had no feelings of sympathy for the girl. I guess Innocence only have eyes for their users.

During the nine years watching you, I had been training with Meruk. Every time I reincarnate, I always get a new kind of power from him. But since this time I was only 'reborn' through scientific means, my Innocence was the same.

Even so, Meruk said he hated only being seen through the mind, so he made me train until I could bring my imagination of him into form. Now, not only I can see him, but the people around us also. However, we still talk through our minds as to not let other people know about this 'reincarnation' business.

_I don't know._

I could hear myself answer him lamely. He smirks and turns to look at me. "Why do you care for the one you need to defeat?" he asked me aloud. I had to wonder that for myself.

Why did I care how she felt? Maybe because I understood what she was going through? But I didn't want to lose to her again.

"If you want him, she's going to have to be in pain." Meruk kept looking at me with his dead-serious eyes. "Don't feel bad for her and let him go. If you do, your wish will be in vain."

"I know."

I looked back out at the field to where you were battling. Things weren't going so well, I could see how your hair had turned paler. You were determined to get rid of your friend turned akuma.

I didn't know whether I should be happy or sad. I shook the thoughts from my mind. "No, those things don't matter. You are the only thing that matters here to me."

"Hey." Meruk called me from my thoughts. "Why do you care about him?"

I looked at him for a minute. Although his face was the same serious kind I see everyday, there was a sense of certain hatred in his eyes. I didn't understand what was eating at him, but at the moment, I couldn't care about it.

"We don't have time for that kind of talk." I said and continued my way closer to the field. I knew he was following me just yet, he was still standing there, sulking on how he didn't get his answer. But after a few minutes, he followed anyways.

"Such a child." I murmured.

As I neared the battle field, I saw your friend Allen, try to help you two reconcile. I wouldn't say he wasn't doing the right thing, but rather than that, I'd say he was starting to make me wonder if I was going to fail this life again.

I walked up half way, until I could hear you speak, but not so others can notice me yet. Meruk walked up and stood beside me. He had that same expression of disgust as he watched you two together.

"He's the one person I didn't want to lose." I could hear you say. I felt my heart and body tense. I really, really felt my anger and sadness well up into one big stone in my chest. It was heavy and somewhat felt like it was going to explode any moment.

I didn't know what I was doing, but I spoke up.

"I don't want to lose him either."

I could see her face turn to me. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw me. "Y-you . . ." she mumbled, trying to raise her broken body to get a closer look at me. Allen was also looking at me. I could hear him ask her if she knew me.

I hated this. I hated this feeling of continuously being a loser, a failure. I just wanted my love returned. Was it that hard to happen? Was it really fate that she was to be together with him forever? Was I going to be forever a block in fate's way with no way of winning?

"I thought you died." She said, a small smile appeared on her face. "So you remember." I said, trying my best not to cry. "Yeah, you were there when I died on that last mission together with Yuu."

"Hmph."

She motioned her hand to me. "Please, take care of Yuu for me." The dying smile on her face never disappeared. It made me feel that all I've been doing so far was frowning and crying.

I walked up to her slowly, our eyes never leaving. As I reached her side, I looked down at her. I couldn't stop the silent, heart-rending tears falling from my eyes.

"I hate you."

She continued to smile. "It doesn't matter." She said, her voice was becoming hoarser as I saw the dark matter try to eat away her soul. "As long as you love him, everything is fine. I know you'll take care of him no matter what I saw."

Then I saw Allen take her up and try to bring her to you. All I could do was stand there and watch. My heart kept screaming in pain. Maybe that was why he loved her?

She had everything I didn't, including you. She had beauty, love, kindness, gentleness, . . . . Everything. Mother was right; I didn't stand a chance against the one you loved. How I longed to just kill her off, but that wouldn't make any difference.

_You could wish for her everlasting death._

Meruk was looking at me with the same cold face as he suggested me changing my wish. I shook my head. "No, . . . I don't regret my wish." I stated firmly, the tears still flowing down from my eyes.

Am I no good to be with you? This question continued to haunt me as I continued searching for your love for me.

I saw you take her in your arms through the ark that Allen created. I saw how the Order was trying to kill her and keep you two apart. Although I hated it, I felt that if I got in the way now, it'd be no different than them. I sighed at the commotion.

"I guess . . . I could let you die in peace in his arms once again."

Meruk looked at me, his usual cold eyes have been replaced with wide, shocked ones as I activated my innocence.

**(Allen's POV)**

I had finally managed to get those two away to a safer location. But now, Tokusa was causing a rampage. Although I have tried to calm him down, Link and Malcolm were trying to kill him and the rest of the third exorcists.

I didn't want. If I could save instead of kill, then I'd rather do that than the latter choice. But now I can't, not with these binds on me.

As all my hope for Tokusa's rescue flew out the window, I saw in the distance a sudden gust of wind rolling up towards us and like a giant tsunami wave, it knocked the Earl, the Noah, and the Order away from me.

"What in the world?" Malcolm shielded the wind from his eyes with his hand as he tried to look at what was causing this sudden impact. His eyes suddenly bulged when he saw the reason.

There, standing in the midst of the all the havoc was the same girl I saw talking to Alma a minute ago. Except this time she was different. She had this oddly, menacing aura around her. Her eyes filled with grief mingled with anger. Did she also have a grudge against the Order like Kanda and Alma did?

"Allen . . ." I could hear her voice as if it was a whisper in my ear, calm and gentle. "Thank you for taking care of Yuu for me and the princess."

"Princess?" I repeated, confused, then almost as soon as that word popped in my mind, I could hear small droplets of water hit the ground and stifling sob. I could hear words and cries coming from her heart. I don't know why I could hear them, but they were clear, clearer than seeing the souls in an akuma.

_**Winds of sorrow**_

_**Winds of grief**_

_**I bring my soul**_

_**And weave them to song**_

_**Hear my story**_

_**Know my misery**_

_**From the core of my heart**_

_**I bring you my pain**_

It was like a twisted song with the sound of a tempest in the background for music. Beside me, I saw Master Zhu look at her in surprise.

"Lady Sol?"

* * *

**The End**

**Just kidding~! xD Thanks for reading!**

**Chapter 4 will be coming soon~ so stay tuned.**

**Please review and let me know what you think~! xD**


	4. Love

**(Warning: May contain spoilers from chapter 200)**

**Love**

_**For years I go after you**_

_**Calling out to you**_

_**My love cries out in vain**_

_**Only hoping that you'd hear me**_

_**Someday**_

* * *

**(Allen's POV)**

Lady Sol, a remnant of the second exorcist project, said to have been the born with her past memories, which was odd. She was even with Kanda and his lover when all three died. She was the first to wake up and find out about the project, and like the other two, she found it disgusting.

But to have survived from a high cliff and to have grown up and have this much of power to knock out the Order and the Earl, it was nearly too much for even Master Zhu to believe. I could still see his surprised face when he heard her song.

Her nickname 'Lady Sol' was given to her because of her Innocence, which allowed her to control and create everything around her by using song. No one knew her real name to be exact and the ones who did know were probably dead already. Later on, I found out she was also a parasitic type, her Innocence was engraved onto her chest like a jewel.

She claimed to have only come to help Alma and Kanda have their last moments in peace. Although she said that with a straight face, I saw the dried-up paths of the tears she had cried moments before. I could hear the true feelings of her heart deep within her padlocked soul.

The shards of her fragile, broken heart were barely sticking together with the little bits of hope she had left to hold. I've never felt this kind of sadness before, the kind where your love isn't returned or remembered. I guess I've never had the chance to even think about such feelings.

But her emotions were like a book somehow, I could read every sentence she was writing with her tears. The silent sobs she tries her best to restrain are kept in a small broken jar called a heart.

I couldn't help but feel as if she would've been better if she had forgotten all her past memories. A girl that beautiful deserved a better life than that of grieving an unreturned love.

As soon as the Earl and the Order were stopped from trying to find Alma and Kanda, she disappeared in a gust of wind. Where she went off to, I wouldn't know, but there's a high chance that she went to where Kanda was.

That BaKanda really did have a lot of women around him, although I've only seen two or three so far.

* * *

**(Sol POV)**

As soon as the wind dispersed, I quickly tried to find you. A short pang of worry hit my heart, wondering if you had already passed on and had gone away with her.

You were leaning motionlessly against the wall with your dead lover in your arms. Although it did hurt me, I didn't have time to care about myself right now. I walked over to your side and check your wounds. I breathe in relief when I saw that you were fine and healing slowly.

Gradually, her body broke into tiny, little pieces like snowflakes and faded away into nothingness, leaving your arms void of something to hold onto.

Truthfully, I didn't know what I should be feeling right now. Should I be happy that she's gone or sad that you're grieving for her? Should I be angry at myself for trying so hard for something I couldn't have?

All my emotions mingled and confused me even more. And Meruk's angry stares didn't help at all. "If you want to take something you can't have, then you've got to be stronger than that, Sol." I could hear him say with a hint of irritation.

I sigh. "I'm not like you Meruk." I said as I moved closer to you and held your head to my chest. "Humans have feelings, very complex at times. But I can't be cruel as to tear a dying lover away from her loved one."

He stayed quiet after that. I didn't mind, I meant what I said. It's true that I want you to myself, but I want you to return my feelings in the right way. I didn't want to kill your lover and make you mine. I wanted you to love me for who I was, not because she's dead and now you're single and alone.

Of course Meruk wasn't human, he was Innocence. There was no way he'd understand what emotions were like. Or maybe he could? I don't know.

I held onto you throughout the night, making sure you were kept warm and that your body was healing at the correct pace. For once in many lives, I finally managed to hug you through the night without mourning over your death.

What was I going to say to you when you woke up? I had no idea. Should I tell you I was part of the second-exorcist project? No, maybe not. That wouldn't help you at all right now and it certainly wouldn't help me either to bring up an unwanted story. Should I tell you that I'm also an exorcist? No, you hate the Order, that wouldn't bring us together. It would just make you treat me like you do the Order and the other exorcists you know.

Maybe I should just tell you my name . . . care for you through the days . . . and then maybe, just maybe, I'll tell you what I've wanted to say for many lives.

I'm scared. What if you don't react to my confession at all? Like how you did too, to many other girls when they told you. I'm worried that all my lives of reincarnation was for naught when you reject my feelings.

No, I shook my head lightly. I'll take things slowly. Love doesn't come like lightning all the time like it did to me and maybe several other girls. To some people, like you, have love come like a soft lullaby.

"Why do you humans always trouble yourself over 'love'?" Meruk asked to no one in particular, yet staring at me with the same serious, cold expression on his face.

"It's rather hard to explain to you who have no emotions." I spoke. "But, let's just say that love was what bonded humans together."

I wasn't sure if Meruk understood or not, but from his curious face, I guess he hadn't. I sighed, chuckling a bit. He was like a child, curious and unknown to anything with love or feelings at all.

"Well, a lot of humans believe that when they were created, there was another person created just for them. So most spend their days trying to find this other person as it is said that this 'other half' would be the one to love them for an eternity. Since most believe this, when they don't find the correct person, they feel . . . left out or alone."

Meruk continued to look at me, slowly soaking in what I'd said. "Then, do you think Innocence can . . . love too?"

I laugh softly, as to not wake you up. "I should think so." I smile. "Emotions are something I'm sure anyone could have. Especially love."

His eyes sparked as if a little bit of satisfaction had begun to make a move inside him. And for the first time, he smiled happily, not cocky like he did before or smirking, but happy and cheerful. Seeing him smile like that for the first time, I beamed on the inside of my heart. Maybe he'll start to understand humans a little better with this new improvement.

* * *

**(Meruk POV)**

When we arrived at the destination, you took a quick look around and your eyes landed on the sleeping, somewhat broken form on the ground. Almost immediately, you walked over and checked to see if he was alive and breathed a sigh of relief when you felt his heartbeat.

Something in my head clicked, I was irritated for some reason. I hated the way he got your attention. But even worse, why was I even caring about that anyways? Lately, there's been a lot of changes within me that even I don't know. I guess it's because of this human body I've been in.

Urgh, I got to calm down a bit. This entire mumble jumble is getting to me and making me feel weird.

I saw your rival's body disappear and you start looking confused. I roll my eyes, I guess this is where you have a little moody time. I spoke up. "If you want to take something you can't have, then you've got to be stronger than that, Sol."

You turn to me with your nearly-tearful eyes. Something that always made me feel like my chest had turned to rock and wanted to fall to the ground like a giant marble. "I'm not like you Meruk. Humans have feelings, very complex at times. But I can't be cruel as to tear a dying lover away from her loved one."

I could feel a vein pop on the side of my head. I hated how you felt like you couldn't get what you wanted no matter how hard you tried. I hated how sad you get when you see him together with her. And I really, really hated how you still love him even after all those lives of failing to confess to him.

I sat down in a nearby corner, watching you hug him all night. Just watching you with him made me feel like volcano-burning, hot, and angry.

Huh, angry, . . . I don't get that very often. But ever since I've started my journey with you, I've started to know more emotions as in anger and sadness. These two I know nearly the best, since you're mostly sad and I'm mostly angry all the time. Well who can blame. You're almost always sad and moody when you think about him, which is like every hour of the day. And I get angry whenever I see you like that.

I sigh to myself in frustration and rub the back of my head. This was getting annoying.

Why do humans care about love that much? What's so great about it? What is it that makes a girl cry for a guy who's off with another girl? What is love? Is it that painful?

I decided to ask you. Your answer wasn't that easy for me to understand at first, but slowly, you made the answer very simple. Love was something that made a girl's heart long for a certain boy. Love was something that helped a wounded heart patch back together, though not perfect, but still working pleasantly. Love was probably something that I lacked.

Then I saw how you looked at him so tenderly and I understood something. I didn't know it at first, but now I do. And when I see something that I want, I don't let go that quick.

I hope your boyfriend knows about your love for him sooner, cause I won't be sitting around and waiting for him to.

* * *

**End of Chapter 4 ~!**

**Phew! Finally posted it . It took me a while to actually write this and even so, it's still short T^T sorry for the shortness of the chapter.**

**Please rate and review~ ^w^ let me know what you all think ;3**


	5. Far Away

**(Warning: Might contain spoilers from chapter 202-207)**

**Far Away**

_**When I look at you**_

_**I feel warm and secure**_

_**Why do I feel so?**_

_**Do I know you?**_

* * *

**(Kanda POV)**

I had no idea how long I had been out cold. But apparently it was long enough for someone to have taken me to a nearby city's inn without waking me up. As I sat up in the fluffy pink (wth?) bed with white lace trimmings. A vein pops on the side of my forehead, annoyance rising to the maximum. This was definitely a girl's room . . . which was pretty bad.

I was really hoping that no stupid, annoying girl had taken me in. If my luck was that bad and it was a girl, I'm high-tailing it out of here.

The room was small and square-ish; the walls had pink wallpaper with darker pink hearts splashed all over them. There were small landscape paintings on the walls in gold picture frames, giving them a more European look. There were two windows with lacy white curtains drooping down like cobwebs. A cool breeze was wafting in and out of the room.

"Well," I thought to myself. "at least it doesn't smell that bad in here." It was true. It smelled more of a field of flowers instead of the expected large amount of perfume. I don't know when it had become a mind-set that all women around me always wear a strange scent said to capture a man's heart.

Suddenly, the white door to the left creaked open. I turned, highly attentive, preparing for the worst to come through the doors. But no, there wasn't any member of the Order, no bean sprout, no one-eyed red-haired rabbit, not even a Noah. Instead, I saw a girl with long silver-blue hair and shining gold doe-like eyes. She looked like somewhere in her teens, yet so much older somehow. She wore a long, white dress with small blue frills and pink rosebuds.

"Ah!" she beams when she sees me. "You're awake! That's great! How are you feeling?"

"Who are you?"

If Lenalee were here, she'd probably hit me on the head and scold me for being so rude to a rescuer. But I think that's a normal question for someone who's been asleep in bed for who knows how long.

The girl just blinks at me for a moment, her smile fading just a bit. I could see her gold orbs shaking as if the world had come to an end. Her coralline lips tremble as she struggled to find the words to reply to my question. I didn't care. What I asked was completely fine and normal. Why was her reaction that shocked?

After several seconds, she finally managed to recompose herself and introduced herself. "My name is Sol. Me and my friend found you on the way here. Oh! I've brought something for you to eat. You must be starving." As if by magic, a tray of soup and bread is brought in and set on a small table right on the bed in front of me. "Umm," I eyed her for a moment. "Thanks. How long have I been asleep?"

"Oh, you've been asleep for nearly three days already." She smiled softly. "When I saw you I thought you were dead, but by the next morning you were all healed like magic." She laughs, throwing her head up lightly, her hair flowing due to the wind like a stream's peaceful current.

She continues to smile and told me how she found me, although I don't quite believe every word she says. What was a girl like her doing out in abandoned land to actually just walk by see me? And wasn't I underground? I continued to eat and watch her carefully. Maybe she's an akuma sent by the Earl to watch me? No wait, she might even be part of the Crow sent by that dumb inspector.

Well whatever she is, I'll just slice her up with-oh wait; I don't have Mugen with me at all. Then this person might not be an akuma at all, seeing as how I don't have Innocence. This is great, just great. Now even if this person is a Crow, I'd have nothing to defend myself with. I could already feel my anger boil like a witch's cauldron on a Halloween night.

"Well, you just eat up." She says to me. Her eyes sparkling like a golden lake during the sunset. I have to admit, they were stunningly beautiful. "I'll tell Meruk to bring you some new clothes." She stands up and smoothes out the wrinkles on her dress. As I watched her head out the door, somehow through my mind a picture popped up. A figure was walking away from me almost the exact same way she was, except a lot more sorrowful for some reason. I could see it about to go through the door like she was with her hand on the frame. A cool breeze was blowing through the door as I heard a faint voice, a simple sentence, yet so fuzzy, I couldn't even hear one word the person said.

I shook my head. Why did that picture suddenly appear in my mind?

"If you need anything," I heard her say at the doorway. "Just call. I'll be down the hallway." Then she flashed that somewhat fake smile at me then closes the door. I could hear her steps fade away slowly.

The figure I saw was very familiar, yet for some reason, I couldn't recognize it at all. Could it have been an image of Alma? I'm not sure. I rubbed my forehead in frustration, this was getting weird. First I meet a strange girl with stunning eyes and an odd story of how she found me, and then I see strange pictures popping in my head. "Tche" I muttered under my breath. I've only had memory images appear in my head when there's something happening, like when Alma turned out to still be alive.

I turn to look at the white door. It was apparently made of wood and on it hung a small heart-shaped wreath with two small colorful birds in the middle. I could remember her smile, somehow it reminded me very much of . . . you.

The door opens again, I was expecting the girl, but instead there was this man with neck-length black hair and ill-tempered green eyes. He just came in and put some clean clothes at the drawer. "She said for me to get some for you." He said and leaves. I just eye him the whole time, just in case he was some Noah in disguise. All my luck, he turns out not to be. God, just because Mugen's not here I've become paranoid. Now this, this is just annoying me even further. I quickly put on the clothes. "Meh, they fit." I thought as I finished the last button.

"You want to leave?"

The sudden voice makes me turn and see the girl standing at the door; her hands were folded across her dress, her sunset-gleaming eyes looking like gold in a king's palace. "Tche. There's nothing to do here." I said picking up the jacket. "Thanks for taking care of me, but I have some things to do." I was expecting her to go all 'oh, please don't leave~' or 'at least have some dinner before you go', but no, all she said was, "Okay, shall I take you to the station?" with the same smile as before.

The wind blew through and a little bell rung somewhere in the back of my brain. A smiling person with beautiful flowing hair, hands folded elegantly, a simple dress, nothing much to describe except for the eerie sad feeling that was wafting in and out of the room. The picture appeared then disappeared like a blown-out candle in a dark room. I could hear a small voice coming from that person before it vanished. 'Keep safe' was all it said.

I shake the thoughts from my head. "No, just show me the way." I said and put on the jacket.

"The station is pretty far from here." She said as she followed me down the stairs. She nods at the Inn keeper and gives him a small pouch of money then continues to follow. "I have a carriage that we can use to get there even faster." Behind her was the dark haired guy, his face was still the same irritated expression. What gives? But meh, why do I care?

True to her word, there was a carriage outside waiting for us. She opened the door and gestured for me to get in. "It'll be faster for you." She tried to persuade me. I looked at her skeptically. "You don't have to follow me there." I said and turned away; every time I look at her face I see that faint image in my mind. Why? Did she resemble someone from my past that I don't remember? "That won't do." She laughs, her face glowing bright like how a child would when receiving a gift. "Meruk needs to drive the carriage anyways." She says and after ushering me inside, she gets in and sits at the opposite end, while the guy who I guess is Meruk, stays out to drive.

We stay in the carriage for a couple hours before arriving at the station. When I got off, I was really thinking of leaving her behind with no 'goodbye' or 'thanks for the ride'. But just my luck, all the trains were out of service for several weeks. One of their rails had been broken and some trains were 'dislocated' at some 'joints'. "Tche. Great!" I plopped down on a nearby seat. Now how was I supposed to get back? Why do I even want to go back anyways? I sighed and rested my forehead on my palm. No, I knew the answer to that last question.

"We could try taking the carriage to wherever you want." I heard her voice say to me. I look at her; she had that smile plastered on her face. What was she, a doll? Always smiling as if she was created that way. Still, I couldn't say I hated it. It was nice to see a smile like that every now and then, seeing as how most of the time now I'm seeing crying, angry, or serious faces wherever I go. The guy following her is in no way excluded. He was frowning away like he was created with his eyebrows knitted together.

This is weird, now I'm talking like that stupid rabbit.

Then almost like the rabbit was the bell, I remembered the locations of where to get into the ark. That was way faster than a train. I tried to remember the closest location then turned to her and asked her to take me there. "Ohh, umm, we could. But . . ."

"What?" I eyed her. She laughs nervously. "Well, if we go by carriage, it'll take a few days to get there." I could feel my blood boil. "What? Why that long? Isn't there any shorter way there?"

"There is!" I still saw the nervous sweat drops on her forehead. "But it's by train." She said and points at the out-of-service station. A vein pops; I could hear myself growl mentally. "Fine, might as well go by wagon or carriage." I said finally.

She beams. "Okay. Meruk! We're taking the carriage to France!" Oh god, she looks happy. I'm in for a hectic ride now. I stand up and head to the carriage, a bit reluctantly. I half don't mind going with her and I half do. I don't know what it is, but she's definitely bugging me, although I don't know what it is that's bothering me.

* * *

**(Sol POV)**

Finally, I can talk to you like we used to before. Although it's a lot different, since you don't remember me at all. I guess this is what you call the price for being reincarnated with the same memories. You are very cautious in talking with me. I don't mind. You were the same before too. In fact, no matter how many times you are reincarnated, you have the same attitude towards everyone around you. You still have the same cold, yet caring expression. I can only smile when I see you, because I know who you are inside.

You always have that annoyed look on your face. I can't say that I can read your mind. Instead, I'd like to say that I know you don't really mean it at times when you show that face. I wonder what you would look like if I were to tell you that I was a reincarnated person. You'd probably think I was crazy. I giggle to myself. Yeah, that's probably what you'd do. You weren't afraid to tell out how you felt about things. If it was suspicious, you'd say so. It was weird, you'd say so too. Although I wouldn't say you tell your thoughts every time. You're more likely to think them and express them through your gestures and attitudes.

Sometimes Meruk asks me why I can stand such a displeasing person such as you. I can only laugh. Sometimes there are no words to describe why I love you. Maybe it's your strength or your choice in expressing yourself? I love the way you talk, the way how you're suspicious of everything around you, the way how you tie up your hair, and how you hate it when there's no soba when you want it. Yes, these are very odd things, yet I when I see someone doing something only a tiny bit similar, I think of you.

I'm really hoping that this time, I succeed in getting your attention.

I wonder what happens when I do win. When you become mine and I become yours, what will happen later? Will fate still try to keep us apart? And when we die and are reborn, will I forget about you completely and forget all the love I had for you? When we are reborn, will we come back together or will we be separated forever afterwards?

I sigh. We are so close, yet so far away . . .

* * *

**That's the end of Chapter 5~!**

**Sorry for the late update .**

**Anyways, review please~! X3**

**Did you like it? Did you hate it? Let me know :3**

**Hopefully you like it XD**


	6. Trying and Failing

**(Warning: May contain some spoilers from chapter 207)**

**Trying and Failing**

_**If I try not to love you**_

_**It only goes so far**_

_**Trying not to need you**_

_**Tears me apart**_

_**Trying not to love you**_

_**Just makes me love you more**_

* * *

**(Kanda POV)**

The more I spend time with you, the more I feel secure and warm. I don't know when it started, maybe back at the inn when I first saw you? All I know is that now, whenever I feel annoyed or angry, I just need to see your smiling face and everything calms down. When you smile, you are like a waterfall to a raging fire. You have a way of handling situations whether trying or easy, you know how to keep your cool. I've never once seen you cry, although I've felt that you've cried almost your whole life before.

During the few days I spent with you was a new experience. I got to see who you were, there was no curtain hiding your joy. Although I must say, if you were sad at any point, you've done a pretty good job at not letting me see your eyes all swollen and red. I can't lie and say that you were average like I do most of the time. You were beautiful. The stupid rabbit might call you 'an angel created and sent down to earth by the gods for whatever reason', but I'd rather call you a blooming lotus that no one has ever looked upon. The sun glowed around you like an angel's halo; your smile is like a jewel on a plain gold ring. When you walk, there's a rhythm and beat. When you talk, there's an odd logic that no one can deny.

There were many times when I thought you were just an all-too-innocent person who's never been betrayed or stolen from, that's why you're so kind to everyone around you. But then I think is it that wrong to be nice to others the way you are? Although I see it as a sign of naivety, perhaps to you, it's an act of charity? Maybe you have a heart too big for your own good? Somehow you remind me of that old man bean sprout. When you can, you help others even if it means losing your life. I used to think it's too much of a risk and had no real purpose. But I always knew deep inside, that if I had that kind of heart, I would've done the same either way.

How could there be such people that care for others more than themselves? More like, why do they care so much for people they don't even know? I see you care the most for the elderly, for the orphans, for the single parents, for the poor and beggars . . . but where did all that love come from? Are you like this because of your past? Maybe you experienced such lack that you act this way? Or is there more of a reason for you to be so?

Everyday I watch you, curious and wondering what you would do. To most people, this may just be a normal act of care and love for the people who lack. I see it as an act of remembrance of the past. Whenever you give food or medicine or help to them, I see your face glowing, as if you knew that you've done what you couldn't do in the past. Perhaps your past did have something to do with this action of yours.

I didn't bother to ask about your past. There are probably things there that you don't want to take out and display to me. Much like myself, I'd much rather not talk about my past, seeing as how there's so many 'parts' there that I've tried to blot out.

When I swear or scowl at you with my normal bad attitude, you just smile at me. There was no retort like how bean sprout would've done. No 'be nice' hit to the head like Lenalee, not even a single 'you're mean' like that stupid rabbit. Just a smile and that was it. You looked like you haven't seen a face like mine for a long time. Don't you feel intimidated when I do make that expression? It's as if you don't mind if people even yell at you for being dumb. That might not be true, but it sure does seem like that.

One day we went through a village that was preparing for a certain festivals. Everyone was well-dressed and wearing flowers around their necks and heads for ornaments. It was annoying as hell, but you seemed to like it. I would've gone on to the Order, but seeing your smile with all those flowers around your angelic face was a bit too much and I ended up staying with you anyways.

This was wrong; I was starting to feel a bit too attached to you. When you came to the festival wearing the village's traditional wear, everything disappeared around me, as if there was a spotlight on only you. I could feel my heart skip a beat, my chest tightening, my eyes widening slightly. The red, orange, and pink layered dress was long till your ankles, it wasn't too wide like most English women have, yet not to form-fitting like most women in bars or parties. It was slim and the colors suited your eyes the best. The collar just slid down your shoulders a bit and there was a flower petal-like fringe around it. All in all, you were radiantly gorgeous.

Again, this is all wrong. I shouldn't even be having these feelings at all. Whenever I think you are beautiful, the image of the woman I loved back then would pop in my head, as if I was cheating on her. Though she is dead and I am now free, I didn't feel like this was an emotion that I should even be having right now. When I think of you and your smile and laughter, my heart beats faster and it suddenly becomes harder to talk to you. But I couldn't help but feel like I shouldn't even be thinking of you like that. Is it guilt? Sometimes I try to forget about that lurking thought in my mind, but it wouldn't work.

I wondered why I felt attracted to you. For starters, you were different from the other girls I met. You weren't dumb like most for starters and for once, you seemed to have no reaction to my so-called sour expression and retorts. You had an odd method of persuasion, a smile and a little talk of comparison or plea and I somehow fall under your spell. When I call you 'dumb', 'naïve', or 'too nice for your own good', you just smile and say, "Yeah, I know." A strange way that made me not want to call you that any longer. I guess because no matter what I called you, you'd still be the same anyways.

I try my best to fall for you, but it wasn't going so well. When I try forcing myself to think of you as an ugly person, one look at your smile and all those thoughts fly away as if they weren't there at the beginning. When I try ignoring you, you give me that concerned look and ask me, "Are you okay?" Your eyes big and round as if pleading me to tell you what's on my mind. Your plump, soft lips somewhat puckered in a wondering expression. _Cute._ And then I continue to talk to you like normal.

No, I don't want to think like that. _But why?_ The last question kept me up at night, trying to answer it and always failing. I try to make up excuses as to why I don't want to feel about you that way. But I never get a good reason as to why. Sometimes I think maybe it's because she just died and now I'm all of a sudden falling for another person so quick? I don't know anymore. I just know that I'm in love with you, yet I don't want to. Should I try thinking of things that I hate about you? I hate the way you look like you've known me for a long time. It made me feel as if I've known you too, but don't remember anything. Then I reasoned myself, thinking that I didn't need another love in my life as it would probably just end up like my first love. But when I did, I felt torn apart because of my emotions. My heart yearns for you while my brain is trying to force me to reject its callings.

When I try not to love you, I just keep falling for you even deeper. I laugh to myself when I think so. You sounded like quicksand, the more I struggle, the more I sink. Except, I like sinking deeper into this emotion called love for you. When I'm around you, everything falls into place and I don't feel misunderstood by the whole world.

A soft, warm hand touches my forehead. "Are you tired?" you smile at me. I guess I was looking spaced out. "Nah, I'm fine. Just thinking of something." I say and turn away to look out the window. I hear you sit down across from me and look out the same window. I pretend to be lost in space while observing the land we passed, but my eyes never left your elegant form. Your hair was tied back in a loose half-tail, was streaming and floating down your back like silky cobwebs. Your face, smooth and pristine like an alabaster figurine in a goddess's temple. I shake my head and try to focus on the landscapes, but my eyes keep returning to you.

At the corner of my eye, I could see your companion glare daggers at me. I just stared back with the same fiery gaze. That jerk was becoming a seriously, big pain in the ass. What the hell did he want from me anyways?

Wait, could it be you're his lover? Well, that would explain why he's giving me all those stupid looks. I could feel my anger starting to rise. Dammit, these emotions are really beginning to wear me out. Who cares if you have someone already? A vein pops at the side of my forehead. I know that I'm just making up excuses, that I'm lying to myself, and yet I just can't admit that I am just wanting to fall into this feeling.

The carriage stops and Meruk opens the door for you. The way you carry yourself had an air of elegance and grace as if you've been taught to walk like so when you were born, yet you claim that you're not from nobility. You walk a few paces ahead, then after pausing awhile, you turn to me, your face shining full of happiness. "We're here!" you beamed brightly, then turned back to continue skipping lightly down the street. As I watch you go, I couldn't help that little smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. You were like a child; even something small and simple was enough to make you smile that cheerfully.

I know that our encounter won't last long, but still, I'd like to think of these moments as my last glimpse of heaven before entering hell, also known as the Order. With a burden this big and weary, there was no way a man could think about having a lover, let alone a wife and family. There was no telling when I'd die and even if I did want to get married, I wouldn't want to leave my family behind, crying for me, especially if there were . . . children. I blushed a bit at the last word. What was I thinking, there was no way I'd get kids at this time and who the hell would I have kids with anyways?

I noticed that the whole time I was thinking my eyes were staring at the ground. When I look up, I see you at a small white fountain with little boys and girls beside you. Apparently they were making wishes and throwing pennies in the water. _Tche, what a waste._ But you looked so happy making that small wish. You clasp your hands together as if in prayer and with a light toss, your coin makes a delicate landing in the water. I wonder what your wish is. Perhaps to be happy forever with Meruk?

At the thought of the other man, I take a sideways glance and see that he is also watching you with eyes of endearment. I could feel myself boil, although I know that you aren't literally mine, so I didn't even have the right to be mad at another person looking at you with those eyes. Still, no matter what I try to do, no matter how many lies I tell myself, my feelings are absolute and can only be covered, not severed.

As we eat while sitting around the fountain, you sing soft melodies, attracting people's attention. Although I don't like being in their range of notice, I know why they watch. Your song is captivating as though you were trying to tell people your story through song. I love hearing you sing, even though I've only heard it a few times. Still, your song soothes me down to the core and I feel that nothing can go wrong. Your song reminds me of the small lakes and waterfalls in my native land, tranquil and harmonious to the heart.

It wasn't long until we had to continue our walk again. As we walk, you tell me of how you loved singing, I only listened and even though my face showed its usual boredom, I felt happy hearing your voice.

That was when I noticed two familiar people that I haven't seen in a long time. Without telling you, I walk off towards them.

* * *

**(Lenalee POV)**

I didn't quite understand if what I've done was right or wrong. Allen was my friend and yet I let him go like that. He looked sad and lonely when he left, as if he had no choice but to go . . . Was it wrong of me to let him go? Was I doing the right thing?

Mari could see what was troubling me and tried to comfort me. I smile and although I know he meant well, but I still feel sad inside. Allen was just doing what he thought was right too. But it was cruel to lock him away; though I understand why the superiors think what they did was right. Since Allen had the 14th inside of him, they didn't have a choice but to lock him up and ensure that the Noah didn't overtake him.

I could still see his face flash in my mind when I think about the day he left. He looked like a little boy who had just lost something precious. _No matter what happens I'll always be an Exorcist._ I still remember the sound of his voice saying those words to me. I felt like I had betrayed him. Maybe I should've gone along? I shake the thoughts from my head and stand up to leave with Mari.

That was when I saw someone in the distance walking up towards us. I could feel my sad, grieving, heavy heart rise and shine when I saw you. You're alive! Alive and breathing! I couldn't withhold the tears and let them flow down my cheeks. Mari was also surprised and though being a man, he wasn't ashamed to let his own tears fall.

"You idiot . . . Why did you come back?" I could hear Mari say. "You had already . . . finally become free!"

And for the first time in two months, you smiled and said, "What . . . No 'welcome back' for me?"

* * *

**The End of the Chapter ^^**

**Very sorry for the long wait everyone, I had a rough time with a sprained ankle the other day T^T then had a bad cut on my index finger just a few nights ago.**

**But I managed to finish this and post it ^^**

**Hopefully you are all still here to read it.**


	7. The First

**(Warning: Contains spoilers from chapter 208)**

**The First**

_**Hair like silver cobwebs**_

_**Eyes, a gentle sunset**_

_**Lips soft and pink as silk**_

_**Skin is milky white and smooth**_

_**A true portrayal of heaven's angel**_

_**Who would forget you after just one glance?**_

* * *

**(Sol POV)**

At first I was surprised when you took off without saying anything, but when I saw who you were approaching, I understood and could only smile at your somewhat childishness. It didn't take us long to arrive back at the Order's Asian branch. Lenalee continued to skip along at your side, telling you of the news that happened while you were away. It was rather cruel how you introduced me and Meruk to your friends as mere people who helped you get back here. But I won't say a word, since I know that's just the way you are; cruel on the outside, yet soft and warm on the inside.

_That girl looks quite friendly with him._

Meruk's thoughts penetrated my head. I cast him a sideways glance and shrugged with a smile.

_They're friends and companions too. So it's no big deal if she does seem a lot friendlier._

Meruk scoffs and throws me a dirty look.

_Girls only talk that 'cute' to a guy they like._

I giggled softly. Meruk was right at times, but he wasn't always 100% correct.

_Some girls just talk 'cute' because that's the way they are. Lenalee is probably one of them. Besides there's no telling that she does like him or not._

Meruk shrugs and stayed quiet the rest of the way. Although I understand what he was hinting at, that maybe-just maybe-Lenalee did have feelings for you. But Meruk couldn't always be right and I sort of hoped that he was wrong at this point. I don't want to lose to another girl again like I had with Alma. The gods wouldn't be that cruel would they? Or were they going to use Lenalee to tear away the band-aids that held my heart together? I shook my head and continued to follow you and your two friends.

I smile as I walk through the halls; it's been so long since I've left this place. A lot of things have changed, yet not so much at the same time. There seemed to have been some major improvements like some paints to hide the cracks in the walls and the extra lights to shine the dark corridors. Everywhere I went, there were small memories of when there were you and Alma talking happily about something, and me watching you from a distance with a pained heart. Though now I feel like I have a chance with you, the small feeling of doubt still lurks somewhere in the corners of my broken heart.

"I feel like you've become uglier."

Your voice pulls me back to the present. A little insult was thrown at the little lady walking beside him. She reacted by trying to kick him to kingdom come, but with Mari's big arms holding her back, it didn't work very well.

"Your face is all blown up and swollen. You must've lost it and cried again, huh?" you continued to speak as though oblivious to the murderous, raging girl behind you.

I giggle to myself again. Yep, this is the Kanda that I know. It's strange that no matter how many reincarnations happen, our personalities and characters all stay the same. I also noticed that throughout all the other lives I've lived, you never stopped holding the katana. You were always poised and ready for battle, no matter where or what time. A man of war, is what mother would've said. Although I don't like thinking of Mother very often, I never forget her teachings or her sayings. I turn to look at Meruk and mouthed, "I told you." He just pouts and looks away. Though I smile at his child-like behavior, I can't help but notice a small glint of malice pointing straight at you. I'm not sure if I'm just imagining things or if there's any enmity between you.

It didn't take us long until we arrived at a certain room where Malcolm and Supervisor Komui were. The room was rather spacious with two long couches at each side of the room and long white curtains at the end with hanging red lanterns. Lenalee and Mari didn't follow any further so they waited at the door, but I wanted to see what you were here for. Perhaps an act of vengeance for making experiments with Alma? As soon as you stepped in the room, everyone but Malcolm was surprised to see you alive and breathing. Komui walked over and started feeling you as if to make sure he wasn't dreaming or hallucinating.

"What are you doing?" you demanded cheerlessly, the usual vein pop at the side of your face. "Ahh," Komui smiled happily, albeit somewhat insanely. "I thought for a moment that it was an 'Art of Kanda' that General Tiedoll made." That just made you even more upset I could tell. But even though your face showed that scowl, I know deep inside, you weren't all that upset.

"Alma Karma . . ." Malcolm suddenly spoke up. "He's dead right? Where is he sleeping?" That's when I saw the true malice in your voice. "I have no intention of saying anything further." You squinted at the man sitting so comfortably on the couch. "Don't assume that I've forgiven the Order."

I smiled a bit when I heard you say those words. You were always the vengeful kind, pity the fool who makes you angry, he will receive his repayment tenfold. Somehow I loved the way you sounded when you said you hadn't forgiven the Order. It was as if thunder rolled and lightning cracked, as if the heavens were angry at the mortals themselves. I stare at Malcolm's face, he had no reaction to your words. I hate that man. Was there a heavier word than hate or loathe? There are probably just words that are similar to this feeling, yet it doesn't show the full wrath a person can express to another.

He had ordered many experiments to create more 'soldiers' for this war. I know the war is important, but to go as far as to use children and dead ones as test subjects is anything but humane. This was the man that made your life a living hell. While you could be in another life right now, living to your fullest, you are stuck here with a never-ending war with the Earl. It wasn't fair for you to be kept back, I know. Even though I'm happy that I have this chance to try and gain your love, I know that you aren't happy here at all; that you long to be elsewhere. If I could I would've destroyed this whole war for you, . . . . but I know I'm not that capable.

"Watch your tone of voice!" one of Malcolm's guards yells at you. Just why do they serve that horrible person? Perhaps they don't see what we do . . . that's just plain sad. Then again, there are many people in the world who care for no one but themselves. Those people, I wish they'd all die. Malcolm let out a low chuckle. "In that case, why are you here?" You don't listen and just walk by him to where the curtain is. "Even Allen committed treason in order to hide the both of you." You part the curtain, revealing another part of the room where several people were.

There was a bed in the middle with three people crowding around it, there was the division chief, a little girl in revealing clothes, and a priest clad in black. Lying on the bed, clutching a long, rusted object was an old man, who I know as Master Zhu. Bak lifts his head when he heard the curtain part, he didn't seem surprised that you were there and walking forward. Slowly and softly, he whispers to the old man that you had come.

Following you, I walked in and stood a meter away from the bed. The old man certainly was 'old', his face had sad wrinkles pulling the skin of his face into a grieving downward position. His eyes were cloudy and unclear, yet his hand gripped tightly to what I've now noticed was Mugen's rusted state. I looked at your face as the two of you spoke. Although I couldn't hear the words clearly, I knew what the man was telling you. Master Zhu was the one in charge of the second exorcist program that we were in, the one that you hated to the core. You continued to stare at him expressionless as he told you of his sins, never once did a single facial muscle twitch except for when you blinked at him solemnly. As he spoke, tears ran down the old man's wrinkled face. Everyone watched you, wondering what you would do when you heard everything.

But, all you did was grab onto Mugen and said, "Well, . . . you're also going to hell then."

With a small order, the rusted katana transformed into a black cube in the middle of your palm. Bak's eyes widened like a fruit fly and exclaimed aloud, "That's . . . that's Mugen's Crystalline form!" I didn't understand fully what he meant, but somehow I guess he meant that it had evolved and gotten stronger. I guess you were supposed to eat it, which was what you were about to do when Lenalee rushed passed me and grabbed the crystalline Mugen in the middle of her two small hands.

"Wait!" she screamed rather panicky. "Is this alright? You've been bound by the Order much longer than the rest of us." You looked at her surprised at the sudden outburst. Meruk smirked and looked at me with that glint of mischievousness. I tried not to hear what he was implying at, but I kind of understood what he meant by that glance. I shrugged it off, thinking maybe this was only a sign of care between friends, there was nothing I had to be aware of. "The Order has taken away your past and the people you love! You won't be able to get away from it again!. . . ." her tears were beginning to form at the corner of her eyes. "Though you had already become free . . .finally . . ."

You don't answer her at all, instead you pry open her hands revealing Mugen in liquid form. "Ahh, it's become a liquid now huh?" you stare at it for a second then added. "Don't get angry." Then without further hesitation, you drank it all from her hands, creating much havoc within Komui and Bak. Even my throat had gone somewhat dry and hard to swallow when I saw the scene. It reminded me very much of what had happened between you and Alma.

The sad memories were flooding my head again . . . all the feelings of sorrow that I had in my other lives were stored up in this heart-shaped cupboard hidden inside my vessel of flesh and blood. Sometimes they come as nightmares during the night, creeping into my mind like a thief. Was this girl, this Lenalee, going to ruin my chances like Alma had before or was she just an ordinary friend who cares for you? Feelings of doubt and anxiety were slowly sneaking into my heart again like it had in the other lives I've gone through. I clenched my fists, I didn't want them to happen again. I didn't want them to even replay in my mind like a bad horror movie.

"I'm already free." You said, snapping me back to my senses. You rolled up the sleeves of your shirt, revealing your elbows. "This time genuinely as Kanda Yuu, I've decided to become an exorcist." You look up and smile, the kind that I haven't seen in a long, long time. The blood rushed out from the small crosses on your arms and formed into a winged creature. Then without much hesitation, you activated it, transforming the creature into a long, blood-red katana. I smiled, seeing you with Mugen reminded me of our first encounter. You were the best of the best at the palace, a person whom everyone respected.

"Sol? . . . Sol, is . . . is that really you?"

I turn to see Master Zhu sitting up sideways in his bed, his hand reaching out shakily towards me. His face is twisted into an expression of shock and relief. I wonder what it feels like for him. What does it feel like to see someone alive while thought to be dead? I have been away from this place for nine years straight without peeping in to say 'hi' or 'I'm alive' to anyone, not that there was someone to say that to, besides you.

* * *

**(Lenalee POV)**

Master Zhu had his hand stretched out towards the strange girl who came with Kanda. Although she had already turned to leave the room with Kanda, at the moment she heard her name, she turned back around to face the old man in the bed. She wore a non-emotional expression that slowly melted into a sad smile.

"Sol? Sol, is that you?" Master Zhu kept his extended hand out to her as if wanting to confirm her existence. Malcolm turned to look at the girl with shocked and rather angered eyes. "What? Wasn't she reported dead?" he demanded turning to glare at Master Zhu. "S-she was . . ." the old man stuttered.

The girl, who was called Sol, walked forward slowly towards the old man lying on the bed. Little, white nimble fingers held onto the shriveled old man's hand. She knelt down and smiling softly, she said, "I'm home."

"Master Zhu! Care to explain?" The inspector bellowed angrily, his face flushed red with irritation. "She was reported dead!"

"Is it too hard for your brain to calculate that perhaps I had survived that long fall?" it was Sol's turn to glare at the inspector with fiery golden eyes. The inspector's mouth became a thin line on his face; he was obviously outraged at this fact. He ignores the girl's words and turns back to Master Zhu. "I believe we had orders that whoever regained their memories must be destroyed." He said simply. "Would you care to explain what happened, Master Zhu?"

Sol was, by now, standing up glaring back at the annoyed inspector as her story was told to all those in the room.

"Sol was the first to awaken from all the second exorcist projects we created." Master Zhu explained. His face was downcast with regret for his past deeds. Kanda's eyes widened for a second, then slowly became more attentive of the situation. "Yes, she was part of your group, Kanda. However, much to our surprise, she awoke with every bit of memory before death. Sol was a special exorcist you see. She had two Innocence. One located at her chest and one at her back. We've only seen her use the first Innocence, which we've called Voci. I'm sure, Inspector, that you've seen this at the battle when Alma and Kanda disappeared."

I faintly remember Allen telling me something like that had happened. Someone was singing a sad, symphonic song. But he couldn't remember the words to her song, neither could he remember all of the tune, just the part which he thought was the chorus.

"When her first body died, the first Innocence, the one in front of her body, transformed into it's Innocence form, however, the second Innocence remained intact with her body. After she woke up, we thought maybe it was this second Innocence that allowed her to keep all of her memories."

Two Innocence? Just like General Cross? I somewhat couldn't believe what the old man was saying. Like most scientists here in the Order would say, having two Innocence was very rare. Hardly anyone could get another while having one.

"I don't know how, but she found out that she was a 'defective' product, therefore she escaped from the lab and as reported, she fell off a cliff." Master Zhu ended his story there as he lies back down on the bed. "That is all."

"I see." Malcolm stated and turning around, he added, "Well then, according to protocol and procedures, Sol is to be . . ." The girl had already gone. There was no one there. Kanda, Sol, and that guy who came with her, were gone. "What the . . . Where'd she go?" Malcolm bellowed. "Go and find her! She is to be caught and confined immediately!"

Kanda . . . where in the world did you go off to? Who is that girl to you? Why does she have two Innocence with her? Why is she the only one to have memories of her past?

* * *

**End of Chapter 7~!**

**Sorry for the late update everyone. I had a hard time thinking up this part of the chapter.**

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it ^^**

**Please rate and review~! ^0^**


	8. Memory

**(Warning: Will contain spoilers from chapter 209)**

**Memory**

_**Having lived for so long**_

_**There is nothing**_

_**That I've forgotten**_

_**From happiness to pain**_

_**From hate to love**_

_**Everything**_

_**Is connected to you**_

* * *

**(Sol POV)**

I could see the many questions occurring in your eyes. I could see how you wanted so much to ask, yet not at all. It wasn't so hard to understand you. Who would want to remember such a memory of such a place? But there's nothing for you to worry about as I've seen far worse. I guess you could call it a flaw in this reincarnating wish of mine. I will always have the bitter memories of loss from my previous lives. Every night I sleep, they replay in my mind like a black and white screen TV, except, they never show the happy ending. In all of the lives I've had before, each one ended in a regretful way. Although I am happy to have died for your sake, I died as a loser; a person who died when the battle was already lost.

_Why do you care about him so much?_

I could hear Meruk pop in my mind, speaking irritably. For Innocence, human emotions are probably something mythical and so non-real.

_Why do you care about how I feel?_

I asked him back with the same scorn. I have to admit that guy does get on my nerves sometimes.

_Don't you see that he doesn't care? He's not even asking about you!_

_He doesn't have to . . . _

_And why? Because he's soooo fragile perhaps?_

_He's not . . . it's just, he had some bad memories of that place too, you know._

_Ahh, trying to be the silent hero, Sol?_

_If you ever had any inch of human emotion, Meruk . . . that time has long gone._

Then he remained quiet. I guess I was a bit too harsh on him, but really, how can Innocence with no emotions whatsoever understand the pain and longing I've been through all these lives? I'm grateful that he granted my wish, but to twist and change my mind is unacceptable. I will not change my mind about my wish ever.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

You took a small glance at me, and then said, "To the train station."

"You need to go somewhere?" I knew he was going to yell sooner or later, but that's just who he is. It's happened in all the other lives too. When I asked too many questions, he'd explode. If I wanted to know something and he couldn't explain, he'd ask why I'd want to know about something so stupid. Asking and getting yelled at in return was a normal everyday routine for me. To other people this might be a very frustrating thing to cope with. But I've had more than a life to experience it and I've learned that this is just his regular reaction. It's when he says nothing that I'm worried.

People might call me nosy, but is it wrong to ask? It's true that most people wouldn't like to be questioned . . . but I have a reason to ask. As you and I have had our fair share of troubles and hurts, we both know that everything has a reason behind it. So asking isn't a bad thing. Especially when I'm the one following, since I'm not a slave, I have a right to ask where we go. Some might wonder why I bother to even follow you whereas you're so unlovable somewhat.

"Just follow and stop asking stupid questions!" You grumbled and marched on without looking back.

Yup . . . Just like that. A sweat drop drips down the side of my head. I'm sure it was pretty visible to most people too . . .

I laugh silently to myself. What am I saying? That unlovable side of you is just a mask that you wear to keep up your tough front. You are truly a lovable person on the inside. Pity the idiots who don't see you as so. Then again, if they didn't know, I'd probably be the only one to love you . . . would that be a good thing or bad? Wouldn't that be selfish of me? Perhaps you'd want more than just me right? You'd probably want some friends, not just me. Would you get bored if there was only me here?

You stopped several times to check the train you were looking for and it didn't take long for you to find it. Except, instead of taking the doorway in, you jumped and broke a window, kicking over a Black Order Crow on the way . . . I guess this is what you were looking for? Someone to beat the crap out of . . .

Oh wait . . . that's a Black Order scientist? What's he doing here? And why's he in binds?

As you pick up the already unconscious Crow, threw him into the cabin, and closed it. From outside, I could the painful screams and bone crushes . . . Ahh dear, I hope we don't have to pay for the doctor bills or anything.

I walk over the scientist sitting in a dazed state on the floor. "Hello." I said as I sat down in front him.

* * *

**(Johnny POV)**

At first I was quite dazed when a certain long, dark haired man jumped in from out of nowhere. I thought I was a goner; that all the work that Reever and the others had done for me had all been in vain. Before I knew it, the two Crow men were soon locked inside the same cabin with that scary man. I could hear the shouts from inside and the bone-crushing sounds. For a moment, I kind of felt sorry for those two men.

Then I heard some gentle footsteps and the next thing I knew, a girl with flowing silvery blue hair and shining sunset gold eyes. "Hello, are you okay?" she asked, her lips curved into a simple girlish smile. She was wearing a simple white dress with blue lacings and pink rosebud embroidery. Her hair was tied loosely to the side; her long bangs fell over her face, landing elegantly around her cheeks. Oh, she even had butter-yellow flowers ornaments for the ribbon that tied up her hair. I wonder if they're real or fake, it's too hard to tell by just looking at this moment.

"I-I'm fine . . . thanks." I stuttered. What was a girl like her doing here? She looked like a princess from one of those fairytale books. She smiled at me then stood up and knocked on the cabin door. "Are you done? We're clogging the path out here."

At first I thought that there'd be a sour retort, but the lock clicked open much to my surprise. When I looked inside, I saw the two Crows . . . beaten up to kingdom come . . . I highly doubt there wasn't more than just a bruise or two. I mean, I swore I heard some bones cracking in there . . .

"Umm . . ." I peeked into the small room. "You're Kanda right?" I looked at the tall man with long dark hair and that menacing look on his face. "I heard from Mari that you know where the beansprout is." He said.

"W-well . . . that is . . . ummm." I fumbled with the rim of my glasses. What could I say? I didn't know where Allen is exactly, but if I tell him that, would he get mad? Would he kill me? That's what's freaking me out on the inside. Those guys in the training room don't just lose to this guy on purpose, so it must mean that this Kanda guy is really freaking strong and I've got nothing but skin, bone, and brains!

"Well?" a sudden burst of an angry, evil aura appeared around the exorcist. I could feel the sweat dripping from my head and hands. Oh God, I'm going to die!

"I don't know! I'm sorry!" I nearly screamed, hoping that this guy wouldn't really kill me. But who knows what this devil might do? I guess I should tell him my idea then. "But I do have an idea on how to find Allen!"

The menacing aura immediately disappeared when he heard what I said. I sighed mentally to myself in relief. "Phew! Still alive." I thought. The samurai looked at me skeptically. "Really?" he asked, his eyes fixed on finding any lies in my eyes. "Of course!" I said truthfully. Well it's true! I'm quite sure of myself on my idea. It should be able to help us find Allen, albeit slow, but it's better than nothing.

"But um . . ." I glanced over at to the unconscious men. "They're alive . . . right?" I could hear the girl giggling from outside the room. Who was she again? Why was she going with this tyrant? Now that you mention it, who's that guy following her? Her bodyguard perhaps?

"Relax," Kanda spoke up. "You can't be too careful with Crow, so I've beaten them to a pulp. Now you're officially a fugitive from the Order as well." The evil aura was slowly creeping back to its glory around the scary looking samurai.

"Why do you look so happy about that?" I wondered aloud, trying to find a pulse on both the beaten men. "And why are you here anyways?"

"I'm coming with you."

Silence hung in the air as my brain processed what I just heard. "W-what?"

"I said I'll be escorting you until we find the beansprout." He said, his face closing a small distance between us, his eyes were flashing as if trying to say, "Run away and I'll kill you."

"O-okay!" I squeaked.

"Kanda, I think you're scaring him." The girl spoke up, completely not afraid of the possible consequence of Kanda yelling at her for stopping him. "Tche." Kanda glared for a second or two then turned away. "Whatever."

She walks over to me and says, "This is going to get interesting isn't it? Don't mind him, he's like that to everybody. You'll get used to it eventually."

But I highly doubt I'll get used to anything that scary. I mean, I still shake when my grandma swings her cane around at me . . . I sigh to myself. "I guess I'll have to make the best of it." I thought and looked out the window. "Just wait Allen, we'll find you soon."

* * *

**The End of Chapter 8~!**

**Sorry for the late update everyone. My laptop crashed and wouldn't start up TT^TT, but got fixed just the other day.**

**Finally got chapter 8 up this morning. Reviews please~! ^-^**


	9. Existence

**Existence**

_**We were born**_

_**Under a fated star**_

_**A star that would forever **_

_**Try to tear us apart**_

_**Whether my wish come true or not**_

_**Is left in Destiny's hands**_

* * *

**(Johnny POV)  
**

A slight rumble woke me from my sleep. The train was still slowly making its way to the next town. Green fields were slowly fading to give way to the dusty, bustling buildings full of people. Sometimes I wished I never did come to the Black Order. If I didn't then I would be working like any normal human being, living a total carefree life. But I can't wish that now, now that I've made friends with everyone there that is. I can't just turn my back against everyone, not after all the times we've been through together. Sure, there were some horrible times, like when . . . Tap died . . . but there were some good times like when potions got mixed up and people started talking like cats or suddenly shrunk to an 8-year-old size. All in all, we were always together when a storm hit us. I can't turn away now, no matter how scary the road ahead might be, I can't leave them now . . . not when Allen and everyone is in so much pain and pressure.

"Something wrong Johnny?" A voice startled me from my thoughts. I looked up and saw the pretty girl who came along with Kanda who was sleeping so soundly against the window the opposite side of me. "Uh yeah, I was just thinking of something." I said, I still couldn't get used to the fact that there was a girl like her here. I guess I sound kind of weird seeing as how I've been with Lenalee before. But how can I explain this? This girl . . . was completely different from what Lenalee is. Her golden eyes had a little spark in them as if they were older and had seen more things than any other person in the world had seen. She seemed oddly mature for her age.

"Thinking about Allen?" she asked, her eyes looked at me as though they were searching me for any lies that I might make. My head hung low as I replied, "Yeah . . . What's going to happen to him? What IS happening to him now? Is he okay? He's probably in a lot of pain and all alone at that."

There was a bit of silence in the air, a silence that let me know that she knew what I said was true. "Yeah . . ." Sol spoke up. "Being in pain and being alone can be a horrible pair to a boy who's just found out about himself." She turns to look out the window, her hair swished slightly only to fall elegantly down her shoulders. "Allen . . . was probably born under a fated star."

"Fated star?" I leaned my head over to one side, looking at her quizzically.

She laughed softly, her face radiant and bright. I had to wonder how this girl had even come to the Order in the first place. She looked as though she could've been a rich and prosperous noble lady. Why was she here in this pain-filled place?

"That's what we call a black and white fate." She explained carefully, her eyes twinkling like jewels on an expensive ring. "A person born under such a star is to carry out a horrible destiny that he can never escape from. Sooner or later, he is to meet with his fate and accept it either way. Allen's fate . . . is probably a black and white kind or what we call a fated star."

"We?"

"Yeah, me and Meruk." She said gesturing her head to the other guy sleeping beside me. "We believe that people were born under certain stars. According to him, there are eight types of stars; a bleak star, a glass star, a new star, a blind star, a gold star, a black star, a fork star, and finally, a fated star."

"That's . . . a lot of stars." I said, still not quite understanding. "So . . . what about those stars?" She continued to smile, I swear I think I see a halo above her head.

"Well, a person born under a Bleak star is basically a person who was born in a rich environment, but will at some point lose all of their possession and become poor." She said simply, she sounded like a teacher a bit. I laughed to myself, maybe she was better off as a teacher? Suddenly, the train rocked and I nearly fell out of my seat if it wasn't for the window. Thank god I held on, otherwise my face would be kissing the floor by now. When I looked up, to my surprise, Kanda was still asleep, except now, he had fallen from his perch against the window to Sol's lap.

She laughed bubbly. "Well, looks like I'll have to bear this guy for a while." I could feel a sweat drop stream down my head. Although she did look happy as she softly stroked Kanda's head.

"Anyways," she said returning her attention to me. "A person under a Glass star is someone who was living in a problematic life; one full of chaos and troubles. But they will soon achieve happiness and live happily ever after." She clapped her hands together as though she were telling a story. "You mean like the fairytales in books?" I asked her. I was starting to take interest in the subject of these destiny stars. Although I don't think what she says might be true, since it sounded more like horoscopes to me. "Yeah!" she beamed as she continued to clap her hands in excitement.

"Now, a New star is for people who were lots of bad things, maybe like thievery or murder, but then due to something, they were converted and become good people." Before I knew it, I was trying to categorize everyone in the Order to which star they belonged to. I wonder if this is rude. Oh well, it's not as if anyone can read my mind, well maybe except for God, but surely he wouldn't mind right?

"Then comes people born under a Blind star." She continued, her face suddenly darkening to become serious. "People under these stars are all originally good-hearted, but because of some problem that they couldn't see or overcome or understand, they became evil and wicked." I gulped nervously. This was a pretty scary star . . . but she's not wrong. There are some people in the world who are like so. Because of something, they all became . . . different.

"Then there are people under a Gold star." Sol's usual cheerful smile returned as she spoke. "They are people who were living happily in their world, it can either be in poverty or in richness, but because of their feelings of care, they decided to leave their cozy homes to brave the darkness of the world for those they love. Most of the Order could be classified under this star. As you can see, there's not much of them in the world and they die really quick. Their lives may be short and brisk, but it was full of happiness, because even though they died, they knew they died for their beloved."

No wonder it's called a Gold star then. But wait . . . their lives . . . are short and brisk? It can't be. I mean, we've stayed together for such a long time . . . wait, wait. I shook my head mentally. These are just horoscopes, I laughed nervously. Yeah, it's just horoscopes, there's no way it could be real. "Johnny, you okay?" Sol leaned over to look at my face. "Ah! Y-yeah! I'm fine." I laughed, still a bit nervous. "G-go ahead, continue!" I urged her as I sat there listening eagerly, although in my heart, I was afraid. What if what she said was true? What if . . . everyone does die?

"Well okay, if you say so." She said, her eyes still looking at me as if she didn't believe that I was 'okay'. "Then there's a Red star. People under this star are what others might call mental or psychotic. They have no feelings for anyone whatsoever and their only joy is the pain of others. They love doing all sorts of bad stuff and that's all they care about. They aren't afraid to kill their own families or friends for what they want. These people, you could say, might have no redemption at all, unless they're a hybrid Red star, but I'll explain that later."

"Yikes." I shuddered. "I guess the Earl is one those Red star people?"

Sol laughed. "Yeah, yeah I guess he is." She said, her head kind of lowered, a shadow was cast over her eyes as if she had remembered something painful. But after a split second, she raised back her head and had that same smile in its place.

"Okay, now for the Fork star." Her smile suddenly became a wide, goofy grin. Was this one of her favorite stars or something? "People under the Fork star can't make up their minds on what they want or need to do. The crucial part is that they want to be good, but they also want to do bad things. Because of this, it creates lots of havoc in their life and in their ending is always the result of their choices. They always want a bit of this and a bit of that and are never straightforward about their desires. The Noah Tikki Mik is a good example of this. He wanted to keep his white side and his black side, but that is impossible, because sooner or later, he will lose one and it will have to be his white side, seeing as how he was born a Noah from the beginning."

Ohh, so that's how it is, I thought as I pushed up my glasses. Hmm, it makes sense, a person can't really be keeping both sides for long, because somehow those two sides will contradict each other and there will be a loser.

"Now then, a hybrid star is when a person is born in the middle of two certain stars. Like for example, if a person is born under the Bleak star and the New star it would be like this. A bad person living in a rich environment suddenly lost all of his riches and was dropped to a poor level. During the time living as a poor person, he understands his wrongs and becomes a good person, helping people whenever he can. In the end, he dies as a poor, yet loved man. Something like that. But, people cannot be born under two stars that contradict each other."

I nodded my head while jotting everything down in a notebook. This could be something fun to do in my spare time. Putting everyone in categories might be fun. My eyes suddenly spotted the Gold star and my fingers stopped for a while. I really don't want my friends to die. Is everyone at the Order going to die?

"Last of all . . . is the Fated star. This star is pretty rare, unless you look closely at the people in the world. People under this star are born for only one sole purpose and usually it is very bleak and painful. Unlike the other stars, people under the Fated star cannot escape from their destiny and they can't be hybrid with any other star. Most of the time, they have to bear their burden on their own, as they can't share it with anyone else in the world. Their road is full of pain, sadness, and anger. Whether they make it through or not is up to destiny's cruel hand. Some people, are just born to die . . . maybe due to an accident or mistake. Allen is one of these stars."

I looked up at Sol as she spoke the last sentence. "B-but . . . why can't he share the burden? Why not? We're his friends aren't we?"

Sol shook her head. "Friends or not . . . Allen has a fate that he can never go against . . . it is the burden of those born under such a star."

I could feel the hot tears brimming in my eyes. I bit my lip in anger. "Why? . . . Why does he have to take it all on his own? Why can't we help him?" The tears were making terrible blotches on my notebook, but I didn't care. This wasn't fair. Why did it have to be Allen?

"I know . . ." Sol's shivering voice made me look up from my wet notebook. Her face was desperately trying to keep it's natural smile, but it was too late, I could already see her lips trembling and her tear-filled eyes. Her hand was now stroking Kanda's cheek as he slept on. Her silent tears were making their long, sad journey down her porcelain doll-like face.

"I know . . . it is painful . . . to have to bear these pains on his own, to have to go on this dark road with no one to help. It hurts when you have to fake those smiles to ensure others that you're okay. It hurts when you have to tell others the opposite of your true feelings. It hurts . . . to know that there is no way to help yourself besides curling up and crying to yourself . . . It hurts to know that you have to walk on your own . . . all alone . . . with no one shoulder to cry on, with no one's hug and comforting words, and with no words of love to keep your spirit up."

She continued to look down at the man sleeping on her lap as she spoke. Slowly, she raised her head to look at me, a sad, sorrowful smile was now on her face as the tears continued to stream, silently down her cheeks.

"It's painful . . . to know you can never have someone because of this 'fated star' you were born under."

* * *

**(Kanda POV)**

The sudden stop of the train woke me from my sleep. I grumbled, why the heck did trains have to be that loud when they stopped? Wait a minute; I don't remember trains having soft pillows or anything. My eyes widened in horror when I noticed I was resting on your lap.

"Ah! Y-you're awake!" you stuttered and quickly wiped your eyes with your sleeves. You were crying? Why were you crying? Did something happen?

I sat up and looked at you. I don't know what my face looked like right then and I didn't care. "Why are you crying?" I asked. I'm not the kind to run around the bush when I want to know something. So I might as well just ask out straight forward. You smile nervously. "Eh? What are you talking about? I wasn't crying!" You quickly stand up and brushed out the wrinkles of your dress. I know you're lying. "Come on, we have to get off the train." You said and started making your way out the door. I stood up and grabbed your wrist. "You're lying." I said, my anger starting to rise. What is it that you can't tell me? Your eyes keep saying that you have something you want to say, but you aren't! What is it that you're keeping from me? I want to know.

"It hurts . . ." you mumbled. "To be born under this Fated star."

What the heck? You slowly removed my hand from your wrist then continued out the door. What were you talking about? What the heck did stars have to do with you crying? What was going on? I turned sharply to look at Johnny, but he was trying his best to avoid my gaze. _Tche._ God, this is annoying. Women are troublesome creatures. I just want to know what you're hiding from me. Is it that bad that you don't want to tell me? Is it something you're ashamed of? Is it something you're afraid I'd laugh at?

Wait, why am I trying to understand her? I shouldn't even be thinking about her! Why the heck am I even trying to find out what she's hiding? It's none of my business! Why . . . do I want to know about her that much?

"Forget about her." An annoying voice caught my ear. I turned to meet eyes with the guy called Meruk. "Tche! What do you want?" I demanded, my anger was about to go over boiling point. In the corner of my eye I could see Johnny trying to creep out the door. "I can see it in your eyes." Meruk spoke. "You like her don't you?"

I could feel my vein pop. In a split second I had Mugen's blade against the guy's neck. "What the hell makes you think I like her?" I growled through gritted teeth.

Meruk smirked. "Forget about liking her. You were never worthy of her from the beginning. Why don't you go hopping back to your dead girlfriend and die? I hate people like you. You already have someone, yet you're still going for another. I wonder isn't that cheating then?" Meruk's sly grin annoyed me even further. I stepped forward and pushed the blade even deeper against his neck until I could see some blood starting to drip. "I don't like Sol. If you bring this up again, I will cut your friggin' head and feed it to cannibals. Got it?" then with that I stormed out of the room.

Geez, what was that guy talking about? I don't like you . . . I don't! What makes him think I do? There's no way I do! God, this is so annoying! I got to kill that guy next time! And who the HELL did he think he was when he called you his? When he said that I felt my chest burn. I wanted to kill him right then and there . . . wait . . . why am I so irritated? I mean, who cares who you belong to? It's none of my business! God, to hell with all these feelings!

* * *

**(Meruk POV)**

I wipe away the blood dripping down my neck. God, these humans get more violent each time I meet them. I look at the blood on my hands. Sol . . . you're not the only one feeling pain. Why won't you look at me? Am I not good enough to take his place for you? Why is it that I have to be the one to look at you from the sidelines? Can't I take the spotlight for you? You were the one who taught me about human emotions. Then why? Why can't I take part with you in this emotion you called love? This pain in my chest, is this how you feel when you talk with him? Why won't you let me be the one to comfort you, to hold you when you cry? Why can't I be with you the way you want to be with him?

Why is Love so complicated?

My eyes snapped open. An idea had begun working in my head. I don't want you to hate me, but I love you too. I want to be loved, just like you do. So I'm going to do everything in my power to get it for you and for me. Even if I have to shed blood.

* * *

**End of Chapter~!**

**Hope you all liked it ^^ Please rate and review~! Let me know what you think~!**


	10. Voci

**(A/N: I saw that there were some anonymous reviews, so since I can't reply to them through the usual means, Thank you everyone for the kind reviews~! ^-^)**

**Voci**

_**Song is like Magic**_

_**Words are like a Spell**_

_**Dance is like an Enchantment**_

_**And Sorrow is the Key**_

* * *

**(Johnny POV)**

As we walked from bar to bar and from brothel to brothel, I couldn't help but think about Sol's crying face. Somehow I had a feeling as if she was talking about . . . Kanda. My eyes instinctively turn to look at the scary samurai. Could it be that Sol had been in love with Kanda way before the second exorcist program? Well, according to what I heard from Reever and the others, it seemed as if she was part of the program too and the first one to wake up that is! So I guess it's not such a big surprise to know that she loves him.

But . . . to have loved him all these years with the knowledge that she might never have his love . . . just how strong is her love for him? Usually when girls hear things like 'you'll never get him' or 'you'll never be better than his former lover', they go berserk in either sadness or anger. Most girls would give up their love and continue their own lives trying to forget their love.

Women . . . they are strange creatures. What makes them so strong-minded, yet fragile at the same time? Sol . . . why didn't she give up on her love? What is it that's keeping her from severing her feelings? Why did it have to be Kanda? Was there something about him that she loved? Based on what I hear about Kanda from Allen and the others, he's a demon in human disguise. I shuddered mentally. Those two Crow in the train at that time was enough proof that he wasn't human in a fight. Maybe she loved his strength?

I turned to look at her as we walked through town. Whenever Kanda grumbled or complained to me, she was there always giggling and telling him that I was trying my best. Oh yeah, ever since we left the train, Kanda and that Meruk guy have been giving each other death glares . . . I wonder what happened? Is there going to be a fight between them later on? I only heard a bit of their conversation, but it definitely sounded as if this Meruk guy is in love with Sol. But what is he going to do?

I shook my head and tried to concentrate on the debt notices, but my mind kept replaying the black and white film of Sol sitting on the train and clutching Kanda's head to her chest saying, "It's painful . . . to know that you can never have someone, because of this 'fated star' you were born under . . ."

I could still remember her tears and her sad, trembling smile. I could see that she was desperately trying not to let those tears fall, but who could stop those tears that have probably been delayed for months or years? Who could stop those heartbroken tears cried in the silent night with no one to hear and comfort them?

The last question reminded me of Allen . . . who could stop his tears?

These questions kept going through my mind as we continued to walk down the road. Although I knew the others were talking behind me, I didn't know what they were talking about. All that I knew was what I was thinking in my head and all I was thinking was one simple sentence: Everyone is suffering, either from physical pain, mental stress, and emotional distress. Why do we have to bear all these problems? What kind of influences are these? What makes these feelings so strong, it can affect our daily lives?

By now, we were all resting around the fountain in the town square. I wasn't noticing it right then, but a man was slowly making his way pass the fountain. He had an oddly dazed expression and a horridly scrawny body as if he'd been starving for days. His clothes were slightly tattered and his shoes were worn out until the tips of his toes were seen through the openings. His eyes were a sickly yellowish color and his skin was wrinkly and dark.

I didn't pay much attention to him and I didn't think the others were either as I could still hear Kanda and Meruk fighting in the background. But sitting beside me was Sol and her attention was drawn to that man almost immediately. Her eyes watched him, her gold eyes gleaming in the sunlight like a jewel. Wondering what was so wrong about that starved man, I turned to look at him. By then he had stopped walking. Although he didn't twitch a single muscle to turn his head to face her, I could see his undead pupils slowly turn to the corners of his eyes. Those frighteningly weird eyes continued to stare at us, until finally he turned his whole body to look at us. His head slowly leaned to one side as his dry, wrinkled mouth opened and said, "E-Exorcist . . ."

"Johnny," I heard Sol say. "You might want to run."

I turn to look at the girl sitting beside me. In her eyes was a glistening spark of fear. I could see the slight trembling of her lips and the small shudders of her arms. I didn't need to be warned a second time. This akuma, seems to be different . . . seeing as how Kanda and Meruk still don't notice his presence.

Wait, that's weird, I thought as I ran and hid behind the fountain. Why doesn't Kanda or Meruk see that man? Or is it because they're too ignorant at the moment?

Sol was already standing at this moment. Her hand clutched onto her chest as if holding a luck charm. From her lips came forth an unspeakable melody.

_Crimson fluid_

_Falls to the ground_

_It's music box-like chime_

_Makes the souls underground cry_

_Listen, there's someone singing_

_a sad lullaby to those who have gone_

By now, both Kanda and Meruk had already noticed the situation. Kanda's eyes widened when he saw the impact Sol's Innocence had on the surroundings. Her voice soared through the air like a piercing scream on the night of a bloody war. The sound waves filled with her heartrending cry were carried throughout the city, aiming its center at the odd-looking man. Who is that man? Is he akuma?

* * *

**(Kanda POV)**

I couldn't believe the song I was hearing. Somehow it sounded so nostalgic, as though I've heard it from somewhere before. But where? Where have I ever heard this heart-breaking melody before? I couldn't have been from when I joined the Order, that I know. Could it have been from when I was a child? Maybe when I was back in Japan? What in the world was this song? Why did it have to sound so grieving? More importantly, why are you singing this kind of song? Or are you always singing this type of melody?

"Surprised?" I heard Meruk's annoying voice. I turned to glare at him just to see him return the same angry glare. "That's Voci. Sol's Innocence. It's power allows her to create songs almost instantly if she musters enough emotions. The more emotional the song is, the more the impact on the akuma." Meruk rambled on as he shielded Johnny from the wind and the dust flying around. Dark clouds continued clump together in giant, black, aggressive cotton balls of lightning and thunder. The akuma tried shielding his eyes by using his thin, bony arms, but kept getting pushed backwards. "Voci . . ." I repeated to myself as I turned to look at the whirlwind that was happening due to your voice.

_Sad . . . it's so sad . . ._

_To see so many souls in pain_

_To see so many hearts broken_

_Just because of one person_

_And his folly_

_Everybody falls to the same doom_

_Why? Why do we have to bear the fate?_

_This horrible fate they call life?_

_Is there no way to stop this ridiculous cycle?_

_Isn't there a way to gain happiness_

_And not pay a price?_

_Isn't there a way to achieve love_

_And not let a soul die out there somewhere?_

What the hell am I doing? I gripped onto Mugen's sheath tightly. Why is it that your power makes me feel so . . . small and helpless? I take a look at the others. Apparently, even Johnny seems to sense the same hopelessness that I feel about myself. The only one who doesn't seem to be affected is that damn Meruk. Now _that _was annoying, watching that stupid excuse of a guy stay unaffected by his surroundings. God, I wish I could just slice his face into a million pieces . . . wait a minute . . . why not? I could feel the devil spurring all the evil, twisted plans of torturous for that creep.

The akuma kept getting pushed back by the wind barrier you were created around us. The people had already disappeared, leaving us as the only humans alive on the street. Finally in anger, the akuma shrieked, lifting it's head to the heavens above. Then almost magically, a bunch of lower level akuma appeared and tried to attack you.

* * *

**(Johnny POV)**

Before I knew what was happening, Kanda had charged out from behind the fountain where me and Meruk were hiding and was heading straight at the akuma. Like death itself with a lightning bolt, Kanda started destroying all the low level akuma, his eyes flashed fearlessly. "Tche." Meruk glared. "Show off . . ."

A sweat drop streamed down my head. These two men were nearly exactly the same. They both had bad tempers and were almost unfriendly to most people, yet here they were against each other. It's kind of hard to understand. Then again, who'd want to see another person with nearly the exact same personality that we have? I shudder at the very thought of having more than one Kanda in the world. There'd probably be more death rates than birth rates then . . . oh what kind of bleak world it would be if there were more than one killing demon in disguise?

Seeing Kanda rush out to help her, Sol beamed and quickly changed her defensive song into a melody of offense. From her lips came forth lines in a different language, except this time instead of making people feel hopelessly lost, it gave a feeling of rage and a desire for bloodshed.

I could hear Kanda use his Innocence skills destroying whatever vermin he saw without any hesitation. I could still remember the way he swung his sword gracefully as though he were slicing water droplets. "Tche." I could hear Meruk turn away with that angry look on his face.

I couldn't help but sneak a little snicker. These two were probably fighting for Sol . . . maybe . . . or maybe I'm paranoid?

Then I heard a shriek when Kanda sliced the scrawny man-looking akuma. I thought, "Finally! Now we can go on!" But I was too quick to judge. The akuma was screaming as it's body was split in two, but it was a happy, smiling scream it was making. I knew Kanda had noticed it too, since I saw his eyes widen a little. "MOVE!" Sol ordered to him, extending her hand towards Meruk, who immediately left my side to join her.

Almost as soon as she yelled, out from the akuma's body emerged a giant joker head like from a jack-in-the-box, it's mouth wide open revealing large giant teeth stained with human blood, ready to eat it's next meal. But much to it's dismay, Kanda was faster and managed to dodge away, his eyes still on this extraordinary sight. Two akuma in one? I couldn't believe it myself. The humanoid man was a skin to hide the real akuma on the inside? What if other exorcists didn't know? They would've become easy meat for the akuma! But wait a minute . . . did akuma eat human? I only thought they killed and didn't eat!

A soft incantation snapped me out of my mind and I turned to see Sol grabbing Meruk's hand as they both continued the spell. What are they doing? My eyes widened when Meruk's body slowly vanished and merged with Sol.

I can still remember seeing the light that surrounded them and when it disappeared it revealed Sol's transformed being. Her hair was let loose, flowing with the wind. She had a silver tiara-like helmet that covered only her eyes with metallic wings at the side of her head. She wore a long Greek-like flowing dress with gold trimming and gauzy sashes. Her feet wore no sandals or shoes, instead there were silver braces from her ankles to her shins. Her arms were ornamented with gold and silver bangles. What amazed me were her six angelic wings that had small pearls strung around them.

"Valkyris Activated." She mumbled as she spread her arms towards the world around her.

Then from her lips came a song that immediately brought peace and comfort to my heart. I couldn't understand the words, they were in a completely different language. Perhaps the language of heaven, if heaven really did have a language of it's own. I could still hear the newly-discovered akuma and it's followers scream, but I didn't care. I was feeling bliss and happiness from the comfort her song gave me. I don't know how she does it, but her songs have impact on both sides. I wish I could find out more about her Innocence . . . perhaps I could be able to find out more about Innocence and then help the exorcists . . . then there'd probably be no more Fallens . . .

* * *

**(Allen POV)**

My head jerked up when I heard a suddenly peaceful song. I was in a dark alley, grasping my arm to try and ease the pain that I felt from it. I had no idea what was happening to my Innocence, it was like it wouldn't respond to me at all. Ever since the meeting with the apocryphos, I've only had trouble with my arm. Sometimes it responds and sometimes it stays quiet . . . it doesn't make any sense.

When I heard the song, I felt a sudden wave of tranquility wash over my heart. The pain had disappeared when I heard the song. I didn't understand the words, but I didn't care. I stood up slowly and headed towards the end of the alley. There was only a wall, but it didn't take me long to climb to the top of the wall and stare at the sky, as if trying to look for the origin of the song. I didn't find it, but I certainly heard it a lot clearer from here.

A cool spring breeze blew across my face, sending me a sense of safety. I felt safe there with the sun shining warmly on my skin and the breeze calming down the uneasiness and pain I had before. Even as the song slowly disappeared, the feelings it gave me continued to stay. I felt as though the song was saying, "Everything will be alright." And for the first time during the few months here . . . I smiled looking up at the sky where birds flew around happily enjoying the life they were given.

"Yeah . . ." I thought to myself. "Everything will be okay."

* * *

**The end of this chapter ^-^**

**Sorry for the late update everyone! I had a writers block on this one . . . but here it is~**

**Hope you all like it~!**


	11. Level 5

**Level 5**

* * *

_**I would say it was an excuse**_

_**To say that you weren't ready**_

_**To know anything about me**_

_**I kept quiet during all of your years**_

_**But now I can't keep silent anymore**_

_**I hope you hear me**_

_**Cause when you do**_

_**We can take on the world**_

_**Together**_

* * *

**(Allen POV)**

It had been a couple days after I heard that mysterious song. I couldn't get it out of my head and somehow that was better than all of the mental and physical pain I would've gone through without it. I wanted to find the source of the song; perhaps if I kept that song near me, I could continue my exorcist life without fear of turning into a monster. I remember the time when I could do what I wanted without feeling the need to watch my every step to keep myself sane. I remember the time when I didn't need to keep asking myself, 'what would happen if such and such happened?' I wish for those days, but I know I'd never get them . . . at least not until I've rid myself of this '14th' business.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. This was going to take a long time and I knew it. Sometimes I wished I never left the Order, but deep in my heart, I knew that it was best for me to leave. With the Apocryphos on my tail, everyone could get hurt even if they didn't want to have anything to do with me. I don't wish to become a reason for people to die. I wanted to be the reason everyone lived.

Why is being a 'hero' so hard?

On the other hand, I don't want to be a hero. I just want to be me, Allen Walker, an exorcist of the Black Order . . . nothing more, nothing less. Stupid Earl . . . Stupid 14th . . . Stupid Noah . . . Why did they just have to be in the picture here? Why couldn't I just continue being myself without having to worry? Argh! I grabbed my head and rustled my hair out of frustration. I knew people were staring at me, but I didn't care. The world didn't matter when I couldn't live in peace.

My eyes lifted up from my hands as I thought that. I laughed bitterly to myself. When did I get so selfish? But then again, didn't I deserve to at least think for myself for once? I know that running away from the Order might make me a traitor to them, but as long as they're safe, whatever they call me didn't seem to matter. But to run away with this constant looking over my shoulder for any enemies, wasn't something I wanted.

Digging my hands into the pockets of my jacket, I headed down the road, the thoughts still flying around my mind like flies on spoiled meat. I wanted peace. Is that too hard to achieve for a person like me? When will I ever get back my perfectly wonderful life? Perhaps . . . when I die?

I shook my head and sat down at a park bench. My head landed back into the palms of my hands. Life . . . Fate . . . everything just isn't fair? Why me? Why did it have to be me? It couldn't be anyone else, but me . . . it just didn't seem fair. Was I only born to be tortured like this?

_No, you aren't._

I jerked my head up and looked around. The sun was setting; the kids who were playing at the swings and slides had gone home. I was alone in the park with the sun shining down on the sleeping trees behind and beside me. "Who's that?" I asked, still looking around for any sign of some person. But no one came into view.

_Can you hear me? Allen?_

"I can." I said hesitantly, wanting to know what would happen if I did speak. Am I becoming paranoid or am I really hearing something?

_Oh! _The voice sounded surprised. Now that I noticed it, it was high-pitched like a girl's voice. Then I heard giggling. I raised an eyebrow wondering what was happening. My eyes widened in shock as I clasped my head. "I'm Paranoid?"

I felt a small knock to the side of my head. It wasn't hard, but was strong enough to knock me out of my mental screaming. "Hey! What was that for?"

_You're not paranoid, so stop acting like such a girl!_

I swear I could hear a little 'Hmph!' after that sentence. "So," I started slowly, glancing around to make sure no one was coming. They'd send me to the mental hospital if they saw me talking to myself. "Who are you?"

_What are you talking about? You've known me since you were a ten-year-old!_

My eyebrow rose again. "Huh? Then, why is this the first time I hear you?"

_You know what? . . . I don't know, maybe because now you're not so childish as before?_

"I'm not childish!"

_Yes you are. First of all, you think running away from the Order will save your problems, then you start complaining about constantly running away, THEN you start whining about your so-called unfortunate life. What's not so childish about that?_

I shook my head in disbelief. "W-well . . . I . . . Who are you to judge me? You're a person I can't even see!" I hear a somewhat tired sigh from the invisible girl.

_Even if I wanted to, I can't Allen. Not with your current fragile state of mind._

"F-fragile? I'm not fragile!" I nearly yelled, until I remembered that I was alone and yelling in the middle of nowhere might just cause passersby to just stare and whisper indignant things.

_Hmm, I wonder about that. Should I list out all the proofs of you being fragile?_

"Ugh . . ." I plopped my head back into my hands. "I'm not hearing anything, I'm just imagining. There's no one talking, no one's talking. I was just a bit paranoid right then. There's no one talking to me. I'm not talking to anyone."

_Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyways, you've got an uninvited guest. I suggest you get ready for whatever IT brings._

Then the voice disappeared. "Guest?" I looked up and sure enough, someone was walking towards me from the far edge of the park.

The stranger looked like a teenage girl with long, flowing dark brown hair and big green eyes. She wore a short pink dress with puffed sleeves and frills for trimmings. Dangling from her shoulders was a rather hapless small brown purse and she wore knee-height brown boots to finish the look. I leaned his head to one side, his eyebrow shot up. The way she walked was odd, it seemed as though she were wobbling and limping at the same time. She looked so thin, it made me wonder how she could afford such clothes and not eat. But her eyes was what caught my attention, they were lifeless and was just staring into nothingness.

"What in the world?" I wondered aloud. My eye wasn't reacting to her at all, so she couldn't be akuma. Right?

She stopped a few meters away in front of me. Her trembling lips opened and uttered in a shrill voice, "E-exorcist?"

My eyes widened as I saw the girl charge towards me, her arms spread opened, her fingers poised as though they were claws on a cat-like beast. As she charged, she screamed, the kind of scream that reminded me of the souls I purged when I killed the akumas before. Mind you, it wasn't something I liked to hear and I'm sure nobody liked to hear them. I kept dodging her attacks. It was rather obvious that she was an akuma, but my eye didn't see anything from her, so I was hesitating.

Finally, she made contact and managed scratch my arm. I winced at the temporary pain and instinctively grabbed hold of the wound with my free hand. That's when I noticed her nails had grown several inches longer. The nails on her left hand were dripping with my blood. She lifted that hand and looked at the red liquid on her nails. To my surprise she licks the blood, and then laughs hysterically.

"I-it's true then . . ." she mumbled and turned to stare at me with those crazed green eyes. "Exorcist blood tastes so much better than those measly humans on the street." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What was she?

_Allen! Are you stupid or what? Use your Innocence!_

I felt a mental slap to my face. "Shut up! Shut up!" I told myself and tried to concentrate on evading all of the girl's attacks. The girl wasn't an akuma; there was no soul from how I see it.

_When are you going to wake up and see it?!_

"There's nothing to see!" I screamed angrily. My eyes popped open when I realized that during the time I yelled, the girl was already so close to my face and was about to maul my face to bits. She was still chuckling to herself with that mad-like way and her eyes were still the same crazed stare. I thought for a moment that this was how I was going to die: mauled by some crazed cannibalistic teenaged girl.

_ALLEN!_

Then I saw a bright light emitting from my arm. What was happening? Was my Innocence finally on the verge of total destruction? The cannibal girl was also backing up, screeching in pain as she shielded her eyes.

_Honestly Allen. You can't always rely on that eye of yours to see the impossible!_

The light subsided and amazingly, standing in front of me with outstretched arms and eyes glaring at the attacker was a girl of fourteen years with short auburn hair and big, crimson eyes. She wore a short black, long sleeved, turtle-neck dress with a rather ragged hemline. The look was completed with a pair of thigh-high black boots with spiked heels. She held the expression of a professional fighter, yet held the appearance of a childish teenage girl. I was about to ask who she was when I saw her left arm, which strangely resembles Crown Clown's own arm. Almost on instinct, I turned to look at my Innocence and much to my horror, all that was there was a normal human arm, nothing 'mutated' or different.

The girl turns to look at me, her chin-length hair swishes and lightly slaps her face. She smiles and says, "What's up Allen?"

I know I was looking like a complete idiot right then. I knew my mouth was hanging open and I knew that if Kanda were here, he'd probably make some snide remark about me catching flies with it. Shaking my head a bit, I shut my mouth and tried to recollect everything I've just seen. "I-I'm fine . . . I guess. Who are you again?"

The girl snorted. "What? You really can't tell?"

I kept staring at her, not sure what I should say. Shaking my head, I tried to think of who she could've been. There was a little voice in my head telling me the truth that I've been pushing aside during the two last minutes. The girl sighs, putting a hand to her hip and looked at me incredulously, "You sure?" she raises her left hand. I know the familiar long, black claws. I know the patterns on her left arm as well as the right.

"Crown Clown?"

The girl laughs, throwing back her head, her hair flying in the wind, the sunset's colors shone on her hair. "Just Crown is fine." She grinned almost too happily.

An angry screech brings me back to the current problem. The cannibal girl was just a few meters away, she had one bloody hand over the right side of her face, while the other arm hung from her shoulder like a piece of meat hung up to dry. "The light's only wounded her temporarily. It isn't enough to take her down." Crown said, her face returning to the former serious, business expression. "We have to attack Allen or else, we'll end up dead and going to see Mana before time."

Hearing my foster father's name made me forget the attacker for a minute. "You . . . You know Mana?"

"Well yeah," Crown said as she settled herself into an offensive stance. "But now's not the time. We need to get rid of this trash before we talk."

I turned to look at the cannibal girl. "But we can't." I said, frustrated at the situation. "What?" Crown jerks her head to look at me with the same frustrated look. I guess her appearing in front of me was all a waste of time. "Are you stupid or what Allen?! You honestly can't tell an akuma without using that goddamn eye of yours?!"

The angry retort surprised me and I didn't know what she was meaning. "Just because you can't see her soul doesn't mean she's not akuma! Have you ever considered the fact that maybe the soul is already devoured and gone?" Crown bellowed; her face flushed hotly.

I was about to reply her with an insult, but the so-called akuma was already charging with her outspread arms. I could see that the right side of her face was slightly burnt, not enough to show roughly, discolored skin. "Exorcist!" she was screaming as she ran. Half of me still didn't wanting to believe that she was akuma, but I couldn't just keep evading her moves either. And Crown's words were still making me question my eye's power. "Allen!" Crown called to me, but kept her eyes on the target. "I can't attack, unless you tell me to!" I was fighting I knew it, but there was no time to think of 'what ifs' and the consequences that followed.

Upset and defeated, I had to try Crown's 'assumption'. "Attack then . . ." I muttered under my breath, but I knew Crown heard me, since I could hear her smirk. She turned towards the humanoid akuma. "You're going down, you piece of trash!" she yelled rather happily and launched from her place and actually managed to land a couple hits. Crown wasn't just using her physical prowess, but also the same techniques that I had used before like Clown Belt. As I watched her evade and attack, I couldn't help but feel like an amateur compared to her.

_Guess what? This is only a tenth of what I can really do._

I could hear Crown's voice in my head. "What?" I mean, I knew that the skills I used with Crown Clown wasn't all that it-or she-could, but to believe that even this level of skill wasn't the best.

_Don't just stand there and gape at me Allen-Bug-Eyes. At least tell me what else I should do! I am nothing, but a weapon for you to use!_

I shook myself out of my own stupor and regained concentration on the situation. My brows furrowed as I watched the akuma attack. Yeah, I'll just call her that for now. It didn't take long for me to know her weak point. "Crown, when you evade, jump high directly above her, then strike!"

_Eh?_

"Just do it!"

_Ahh fine! But if I get hurt, you do too!_

"Whatever!"

I was confident about my plan. Yeah, whenever the akuma strikes and misses, it takes a few seconds for her to regain posture and strike again. If it takes only a few minutes, then Crown can get rid of her without a problem. I couldn't hold back the smug grin making its way across my face. For the first time, I felt like the leader and somehow, it felt good. It felt even better when I saw Crown initiate the attack on the akuma.

I heard and saw it scream in pain. Crown had landed back in front of me watching her 'masterpiece' explode. I was expecting the regular outcome of the akuma when they get sliced by Innocence, but this time . . . it never came.

I remember seeing the akuma split in half, but from inside her came a gigantic joker like inside a jack-in-the-box. It emerged all too suddenly and aimed straight at us. It took us by surprise and that surprise was what nearly darn killed me. If it weren't for Crown's last minute grab and dodge, we probably would be saying 'hi' to God, if there really was one that is.

"Wh-what was that?!" I wanted to know, my eyes were still wide and staring at the true akuma.

"Looks like the Earl has finally earned a level 5 akuma." Crown stated. Her stare on the akuma was intense as if she was trying to burn it by staring.

"A level 5?" I repeated in shock. A level 4 was already hell itself, a level 5 would probably be twice as hard. But now, of course, I knew why it would be hard. The akuma took on the form of its deceased body, walking around in human form just like a level 1, but unlike level 1, it could attack like any akuma in its human form. The other scary difference was what we just saw. The human body was just a mask, to hide the real akuma inside. If one hadn't moved quickly enough, he would probably have been killed right then and there . . .

I shuddered at the possibility of me dying. I definitely didn't want to. But worse than that, did the Order meet up with these level 5 yet? And if they did, had anyone died from them yet? Thinking of the worse scenarios was giving me a pain in the stomach as if someone had just punched me in the gut. But now wasn't the time to think about that, I had a problem right in front of me. I tried using all the former techniques and plans, but none of them worked and Crown was always knocked or thrown back.

_It won't work if you keep trying to use your normal skills with me, Allen._

"What are you talking about?" I fumbled and panicked. "These are the only ones that I have!"

_No, they're not. There are more Allen . . . you just have to dig a little deeper into yourself._

"Dig a little what?" I wanted to scream.

_I am different from other Innocence on this part Allen. Unlike the rest, I will continue to evolve the more you find more of yourself. When you discover new ways to use your Innocence, that's when a new skill appears for me. I will always have something new to use against an enemy, however, only you can unlock that potential. So quit your girly screams and start thinking for real!_

"What?" I knew this wasn't the time to continuously ask, but the questions continued to pop in my mind. I only knew that I had to focus now, if what Crown said was true and she did have the ability to evolve more, then I better catch up to her. This thought ran through my mind and I laughed bitterly to myself. I had always thought that I was strong enough to handle my problems on my own.

It's sad really, because although that thought was what dominated my mind a lot of times, I knew deep inside that I was weak. Every time I looked at Master or Kanda, I felt so small compared to them. I wanted to get stronger, yet always squashed that thought down with 'I am strong enough'.

When I ran away from the Order, I told myself it was so that no one else got hurt by the Apocryphos and to find out more about the 14th. Deep in my inner soul, I knew that I was lying to myself and to the whole world. I ran because I thought I could handle everything on my own, as long as I had everything I needed. I didn't want to become a burden or a reason to die for anyone. Running away from the Order without giving the real reason was sure to give me a bad reputation, but I didn't care to even think about it.

I had always thought that I was ready for anything the Earl was going to throw at me. Now looking at that Level 5 and the way how I fumble about Crown Clown (well the way 'she' is now) I knew that I had over-estimated myself. I bit my lip in frustration. Crown Clown claims that I can unlock her potentials, but how do I do that?

I turned to focus on the Level 5 and saw something that I should've noticed before. There was no soul in the akuma at all. Where is it? Was it completely devoured like how Crown had said? Could it be that when akuma finish the soul of the human, they turn to eat human flesh? I shuddered at the thought. The Earl really does have weird creativity to make such a monster.

Watching Crown take on the Level 5 with my normal skills, I noticed what she was saying. The more I use those moves, the more the Level 5 gets acquainted with them and will know its weakness. So the Level 5 learns from experience, but at a much quicker pace than its former self.

Suddenly, an idea popped in my head. "No, no, no." I shook my head. That's just giving it too much credit, but still I had to make sure of myself and told Crown to use back-flip kick instead of using the claws.

_Are you nuts?!_

"Just trust me, I'm testing a theory!" I wanted to scream in earnest.

_Doh, fine!_

I watched how the Level 5 was taken aback by Crown's first try at the back-flip. "Alright, now to try it again." I told her and Crown complied without a word. But there was a difference this time, it seemed as though the akuma had already known the back-flip's weakness and dodged it without much effort and instead moved behind Crown just as she was about to kick. Luckily, she saw the akuma and jumped away in time.

"Damn!" I punched the ground. My theory was correct. The Level 5 only needed to see a move once to know how get around it. Then that meant . . . "I'm going to have to kill it in one strike and it'll have to be a move it hasn't seen before." I have to think of a new move and fast. Crown might be strong, but as she said, without something better than what we had now, it'll be a futile battle.

I smirked; a plan had already formed in my mind. Whispering to Crown my idea, she smiled along with me. "Now we're talking!" she shouts, happily charging the akuma with vigor. Jumping up from the ground, she casts the Clown Belt, tying down the akuma. As soon as that happened, out of her right hand's palm, she summons the Sword of Exorcism, bring it down on the screaming akuma.

The last thing I see from that blasted Level 5, was an explosion of black dust. I smiled to myself. Now that's better. "WOOHOO! Now that's what I call a party!" Crown hops and punches the air. Turning to me, she gives me an impish grin. "You're getting the hang of it pretty quick, Allen!" I couldn't help, but blush at the praise. "Well, you were the one who told me what I had to do. So, it wasn't just me." I said, scratching the back of my head.

"Not at all!" Crown said, playfully slapping my back almost as hard as punching, nearly making me fall over. "Just wait! You'll do so great, even the whole world will have a hard time going against just you and me!" she grins, resting her hands on her hips. For the first time, I really felt as though what she said was true.

"Yeah . . ."

* * *

**Finally updated!**

**I'm very sorry to all my readers for the very, very late update.**

**The truth is that I kind of lost interest in this plot and was about to actually have it deleted.**

**But then I re-read the whole story and decided it against it. **

**I know there might not be many readers left, but still, if there are any out there who still read it,**

**Please, please, please Review~!**

**Let me know what you think~!**

**Thanks for reading and sticking with me~!**


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